Page 92 of What Are the Chances
I inhaled deeply, willing the courage. “She–”
When the words lodged in my throat Will tugged on my legs, dragging me closer so our bodies were flush together. Close enough that I could feel the heat rolling off him. It was hard holding his gaze. It wasn’t wavering.
“She was diagnosed with pneumonia,” I managed to get out. “When they were treating it she developed sepsis and...” I trailed off, taking a calmingbreath. “It all happened so quickly. One minute she was here and healthy, and the next she could barely breathe.”
Will swallowed. “When did it happen?”
“Over the summer of freshman year.”
I watched the gears shift into place for him. The summer we’d fallen out of each other’s lives.
His thumb came to hover on my wrist once more. He was studying my tattoo like it was his lifeline. It was a date, one he had a reason to remember too.
His throat wobbled. “When was she diagnosed?”
I tried pulling back. “It doesn’t matter–”
“Level with me, Riley.” The firmness in Will’s voice had me freezing. “Why do you have the date we broke up tattooed on your wrist?”
My tattoo was a reminder that if I could get through what ended up being the worst day of my life, I was strong enough to handle anything. I couldn’t sugar-coat that explanation. All I could offer Will was the truth. If I was the one asking, I’d expect him to tell me.
“The night of your draft party,” I confessed, my voice barely beyond a whisper. “I didn’t miss it because I didn’t want to be there. I missed it because I was in hospital with mum. The doctors were starting to talk palliative care and...”
I trailed off. I didn’t need to say any more. There’s a reason I hadn’t told Will about this. It didn’t change the outcome, and I hadn’t wanted to give him a reason to punish himself more than he already did.
“Fuck.” He sprung to his feet. “Fuck.”
I watched him pace back and forth, feeling utterly helpless. His reaction carried me straight back to that night. The night the doctors had quoted the survival rate of mum's septic pneumonia, and the same night I'd walked in on my boyfriend with another girl.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said.
Will jarred to a stop. “Of course it fucking matters, Riley. I was too caught up in my own shit and feeling sorry for myself that I–”
Pausing, he shook his head as though vocalising the thought was too hard to bear. After scooping his keys off the coffee table, he stalked to the entry.
I jumped to my feet and hurried after him, though when we reached the door I had no idea what to say. There’d been a reason I’d avoided this difficult break-up conversation. I didn’t know how to have it with Will.
He threw open the door, but with one foot out, he froze. Slowly he turned his head, his gaze colliding with mine.
“You were right to stay away from me, Riley.”
With that, he kept moving – slamming the door closed behind him.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
We’re getting ice cream
WILL
I’d felt this numbness before, and I’d seen it on my best friend recently. It felt as though I’d been transported back to the days following my breakup with Riley, when the thought of cheating on her made me sick, when recalling her face as she’d thrown open my bedroom door made my heart crack, and when the realisation we were over made it difficult to breathe.
As dark as it may sound, it wasn’t the fact that Riley’s mum was dead that shook me. It’s that I hadn’t been there for Riley when it happened, and I’d been too busy getting my dick sucked to be around when her mum’s diagnosis worsened.
I hadn’t even known her mum was sick in the first place. Had Riley tried to tell me? I didn’t remember much from that time, only the influx of hockey practices and games and meetings.
Coach Hall had been on my ass about preparing for the Combine. How had that been my focus when Riley was looking after her mum on her own?
Her dad wasn’t around and she’d never mentioned siblings. Riley must’ve been so lonely going through that alone. She must’ve been scared, and she clearly hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me the truth, which fucking hurt. Or had she tried and I’d been too caught up in hockey and my future to notice? Both options were hard to face.
