Page 154 of What are the Risks
“For every excuse you give me that we shouldn’t do this, I can give you a thousand reasons why we should.” Ryker’s shoulders slumped, like he’d just been defeated in a championship game. “But if I have to convince you to feel the same way... then it’s pretty clear you don’t.”
This conversation felt all too familiar – Ryker trying to convince me we could be something, and me trying to tell myself we couldn’t.
He’d proven me wrong before, shown me time and time again just how great we were together. But that was before a potential move to the west coast and an NFL career thrown into the mix. Our futures were mapped out, and we weren’t prepared for them to include each other this much.
Ryker gripped the steering wheel tightly, his gaze slipping away. “I’m going to finish off the drive tonight.”
“Come on, Wheels. Don’t be like that.”
“Like what? A guy who just admitted he’s in love with you and your response wasI don’t know if this is worth it?”
This is worth itI should have screamed.It has been since the moment you kissed me.But I didn’t have the courage to admit that out loud. Ryker had been my crutch my entire life. If I dated him, I’d lose that safety net. And if we fucked this up, where did I turn?
“It’s late and you’ve been driving all day,” I reasoned.
We’d planned to stay the night at my place – not only to break up the trip and get some rest, but for one last chance to get each other naked before we had to hide our relationship from our parents for a week.
“I’ll let you know once I’m home safe,” he mumbled.
As I opened my mouth, Ryker’s phone vibrated on the dashboard, startling me. For a moment, I’d forgotten there was a world outside of this car.
Picking it up, Ryker checked the screen. “It’s my agent. I should take this.”
Usually he’d just answer the call in front of me, but the way he held his phone made it clear our conversation was finished. He was waiting on me to get out.
With a sigh, I unclipped my seat belt and reached for my bag that was wedged in the back seat, buried among Ryker’s life from the past four years, including Warren who was somehow still gloriously green and healthy.
Before long, he’d be repacking all of this to take it somewhere new. Only now, I wasn’t sure if I had a place in that future.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Time for a change
Ruby
After getting ready and packing the next morning, I stopped for a Starbucks coffee before hitting the freeway. I desperately needed a pick-me-up, though I doubted even the double shot would be enough to do the trick. Coffee was great, but it wasn’t a miracle drug, and a miracle was exactly what I needed right now.
A three hour drive home to Detroit was the last thing I needed. With nothing but open road, I was left to obsess over mine and Ryker’s conversation. I’d tossed and turned all night, thinking of all the things I shouldn’t have said, but more importantly, the things Ishouldhave.
I’d always struggled with the idea of giving up my dreams to keep Noah happy, and if I dated Ryker, I’d need to make the same sacrifice. He couldn’t choose his NFL team based on the hospital I ended up at. That wasn’t how it worked.
Having just found my independence again after nearly dropping everything to follow Noah, there was a piece of me that couldn’t bring myself to do the same with Ryker – especially with the risk he might one day turn around and decide we’d run our course.
I was terrified of losing him, and with the newfound attention coming his way, a part of me still worried he might trade me in for someone more suited to his world. I didn’t doubthis feelings for me, but would they hold up when he was thrown into a high-profile lifestyle. One filled with models, influencers and women who belonged there more than I ever could – or ever wanted to?
Even the idea of people knowing who I was simply because I was connected to Ryker made me uneasy. I’d never craved my five minutes of fame or moment in the spotlight. I cared about him forhim– not the athlete everyone else saw.
Last night around midnight, he’d texted saying he’d arrived home safely. I’d held my phone for what seemed like hours, debating the right way to respond after the way we’d left things. Eventually I’d settled with a thumbs up. I’d never sent him a thumbs up our entire lives. I was officially fucked.
Ryker had never told a girl before that he loved them, and I didn’t take it lightly that he’d told me. I loved being the first one – I wanted to be theonlyone.
But could it really be that simple? Best friends, then lovers, then happily ever after? The jaded part of me couldn’t shake the fear that it was too good to be true. I’d thought I had everything once before, only to watch it unravel – and this time, the stakes were even higher.
*
By the time I pulled into my childhood drive, a headache had formed behind my eyes. Shifting my car into park, I rustled through my purse, searching for Advil.
Along with my mother’s car, Nancy’s was here. My pulse raced at the thought of Ryker being inside with them. Was he waiting for me? Were we about to make up? Or break up for real? Could we even break up when we’d never officially been together?
