Page 158 of What are the Risks
“You’re not allowed to be mad about that, Noah.”
“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t fucking hurt.” Tightly clutching his coffee cup, he took a steadying breath. “I always wondered whether there was something going on between you two.”
My defences shot up. “I never cheated on you with him.”
“I know that, Ruby. I never thought that. It’s not who you are.” He clenched his jaw. “But that wasn’t to say your relationship with him was always easy for me.”
Unlike each girl who came and went in Ryker’s life, Noah had never seemed bothered by my friendship with Ryker. I’d always assumed it was because he spent enough time around us to not feel threatened.
But thinking about it now, I realised I’d never really given him the chance to share how he truly felt. He’d never brought it up either – probably because, deep down, he knew an ultimatum wouldn’t go his way. No matter how deeply I cared about him, it had always been Ryker I’d needed.AlwaysRyker.
Noah’s rigid jaw softened a touch. “The first girl I... cheated on you with, it felt different for me too.”
“In what way?”
He swallowed, rubbing at his chin. “Kind of like a high, or a momentary fix. The comedown wasn’t worth it though.”
“So why did you do it again?”
He scoffed ironically. “Why do people who know what a hangover feels like get drunk again?” His shoulders sagged in resignation. “I know it’s fucked up, Ruby. I don’t expect you to understand, because it’s wrong. How I treated you was wrong. And even though the thought of you dating Ryker feels like a thousand knives in my stomach, if he’s what makes you happy, I’ll learn to live with it.”
A year ago, I never would have imagined we’d end up here. Maybe I’d expected Noah and I would, but I’d assumed we’d be here together, starting the life we’d always spoken about – not getting closure.
He lifted his cup to his lips, but paused before taking a sip. I could still read him like a book, and there was something else he wanted to know.
“You can ask it,” I said. “Whatever it is you’re thinking.”
“Did Ryker ever tell you how he felt while youand I were dating?”
“No. He didn’t even realise it until we broke up.”
Or towards the end of our relationship anyway. But that tiny detail didn’t seem important.
“And did you ever think of him as more than a friend back then?”
“No,” I answered without hesitation. “Ryker and I only happened because you and I were over.”
“So if I hadn’t fucked up, we’d still be together?”
“Honestly? Probably. I’m glad we’re not though,” I admitted with a rueful smile. “I know that’s hard for you to hear, but we weren’t right for each other, Noah.”
“Maybe I wasn’t right for you, but you were right for me, Ruby.”
I shook my head. “No I wasn’t. If I had of been, you wouldn’t have–”
I stopped myself. There was no point dredging it up again.
“I hope you find the right person, Noah. I truly do. But a piece of advice – once you meet her, don’t hook up with anyone else.”
Noah grimaced, though a faint smile did tug at the corners of his mouth.
“Too soon?” I jested.
“It’ll always be too soon, Ruby.”
I’d once felt the same way, but our history no longer stung the way it had. Some would say it was time, but I knew the real reason.
I was in love with someone else.
