Page 134 of Prize for the King
“Oh! But I thought…”
“Mmm. Just a moment. I love these. So soft. Do you think I could drink some of your milk after you give birth? I always thought it washot.”
I step away, alarmed, not so much by the idea itself, though it’s preposterous. I’m terrified he knows what I haven’t admitted even to myself, and I have to squeeze my hand into a fist so it doesn’t touch my belly. Arvi watches me carefully, and finally snorts.
“Relax, little heathen. I won’t if you don’t like it. It was just an idea.”
“Milk is for babies,” I say stiffly.
He grins, the silver hoop glinting. “Sure. And cum is for making babies, but you swallow it just the same.”
He tugs me closer, and I straddle his thighs reluctantly, my cheeks flaming. He grows serious, caressing my face with a warm palm.
“I know it’s depraved. You’re right, breast milk is for babies, and grown men shouldn’t want it. Honestly, maybe it’s just me. I kind of missed out. My mother didn’t breastfeed me, because my father wanted me to grow as big and strong as a bull, and he commanded her to feed me cow’s milk. I got sick a lot as a child. Almost died once. So when I think about a woman’s tits filled with milk… Yeah. Don’t hate me.”
I sigh and let my tension melt away. “I could never hate you. Just… I… The idea of children and… and mating… side by side… doesn’t sit well with me.”
It’s as much as I can say. My father’s ghost hovers over my shoulder like a curse, and I press myself into Arvi as I try to forget everything that shouldn’t have happened, and just be safe.
“Oh.” He sounds surprised, his hands light on my back. “I didn’t even think of it like that. I mean, obviously, the baby wouldn’t be there when we… But I see. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”
We soak in silence, just holding each other until Raduna comes in, his hair and clothes soaked.
“Did you jump in the pond, as well?” Arviasks with a smirk.
“It’s raining.”
He wipes his face with a towel, telling us the news. “We didn’t catch them. Magnar sent soldiers to conduct a search through the city, but it’s likely hopeless. Caliane, you need double guard every time you leave the keep from now on, but it’s better if you stay inside until we figure this out.”
I sigh, the heaviness of the world which Arvi’s embrace kept at bay, draping over my shoulders like a mantle. “Apparently, they were shooting at me,” I say. “Why do you think that was?”
Raduna begins to undress. “A few reasons. They might have been spies from the Table of Kings. Maybe they hope to contest Magnar’s claim to Farneer if you’re dead. But they might just as well be Agnidari zealots, hating the fact they are ruled by a human queen.”
Arvi sits taller and rocks me soothingly when I shiver. Oh, it feels like everyone around wants me dead. Minister Ronan’s resentful face flashes across my mind’s eye, and I grimace.
“Um, I’m holding the ministers’ books, and they must know by now I plan to move against some of them.”
Raduna pauses with his trousers halfway down. “Good point. I’ll tell Magnar. That means double guard inside the keep, my queen.”
We eat supper in the room, me and my three knights. Rain taps on the windowsills outside and caresses the panes. Meanwhile, I wrestle with my guilt.
I’ve brought them so much trouble, and keeping me safe costs so much effort. And what do I do in return? Confess my love to everyone but my husband. Though, maybe not.
I glance at Raduna. Oh, I adore him, I like him very much, and he makes my blood run fast when he’s inside me, moving with long, assured thrusts. He said he loves me many times.
And yet, when I consider what I feel for him, there’s the same resistance that stands in the way of my love for Magnar. I think hard,trying to find the reason, burrowing deeper and deeper into my heart. The knights, though subdued, jest about falling into ponds, and Raduna ribs Khay good-naturedly about something he did during the search for my would-be killer. When Khay pouts, Raduna smiles and gives him a piece of advice. His voice is measured and calm, his words well-chosen. He’s wise. Even Magnar turns to him for advice.
When Raduna smiles indulgently at something Arvi says, I gasp, finally pinpointing this air around him.
He’sfatherly.
But could that be it? Raduna isnothinglike my father. He is kind, respectful, very straightforward and honest. And yet… And yet.
Is that why I’m afraid to love him? But what about Magnar?He’snot fatherly. He’s very much a husband and a lover.
I don’t know.
“It’s getting late,” Khay says with a yawn. “I’ll run to see how long Magnar’s gonna be. Brush your teeth, my lady.”
