Page 101 of The Christmas Holiday
He blew out a sigh and slumped down a little on the sofa. ‘BecauseI didn’t want to upset you. As much as you hate it, like you said, it’s in my DNA to want to protect the people I care about. I knew it would upset you; even though you didn’t feel the way you once had, I knew you wouldn’t be able to remain unaffected by it. As much as you appear the tough cookie, I know how deeply you feel things. And because I guess I wanted to keep you apart, in my mind, fromeverything we saw and experienced there. When I thought about you, it was like you were separate from it. An escape.’
‘And now?’
‘Now was the right time to tell you. Even if you don’t feel the same as I do, it was still something you deserved to know. I pushed you away when you tried to help me. I saw the pain and confusion – and hurt – on your face. I shouldn’t have done that. But thethought of letting you in and then letting you go again?’ He shook his head. ‘And I didn’t want to ruin your trip by upsetting you. I know I kind of did that anyway—’
‘No! No, you didn’t. I wanted to help you if I could but I had no right to expect you to share with me just because we’d once meant something to each other.’ My fingers reached out and touched my engagement ring.
‘I’m guessingit wasn’t quite the lucky charm you hoped.’
His hand wrapped gently around mine and laid against his chest. ‘I think it was.’
I closed my eyes and felt the tears begin to flow.
‘Oh no, no, no.’ Hunter’s voice was soft as he pulled me closer, letting go of my hand and wrapping his arms tightly around me, one large hand cradling the back of my neck, his fingers reaching up into my hair.‘Please don’t. You know I hate it when you cry.’ He dropped a kiss on my head, which only served to increase the flow of tears.
I pushed back and his arms loosened but stayed around me.
‘I don’t care. You nearly died! I’m allowed to be upset about that.’
‘I feel like I should apologise.’ He pulled a face.
I shook my head. ‘I knew you’d been out there but I didn’t know for how long,or what happened. There’s been a whole slew of media personnel killed over there, Hunter. All these people trying to get the world to see what’s really going on and either being targeted for doing that, or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You could have been one of those statistics! I can’t bear to think of what I would have done if I’d seen your name added to that list. I mean,I know we weren’t friends any more, but the thought of you actually being gone… entirely…’
‘Mia. I’m not, though. I’m here. Now. With you. And quite frankly, that’s exactly where I want to stay for the rest of my life. It always was. I don’t expect you to make a decision now. It’s been kind of an emotional day and I don’t want you to say something, or do something, you might regret tomorrow,or in a few days’ time. I have no expectations from you. If you’ve moved on, and you’re happy where you are, then I really am genuinely thrilled for you. It’s all good. It’s just, like I say, when an opportunity comes around I’m a little less inclined to ignore it these days. I had to tell you how I still felt. I’m sorry if you feel that was wrong, or if you feel pressured, because that’s reallynot what I intended to do.’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t. And I’m glad you did. I think I’m still processing it all, to be honest. And I want to get it right this time. For both of us.’
He smiled, and I could see the uncertainty in his face. But I couldn’t promise him something before I knew it was right. God knew he’d been through enough.
‘Hunter, I hurt you before, and when you left…it was like all the colour drained out of my life. Everything was just grey and numb for so long. I never want either of us to feel like that again. Ever. We both know we’re good together. Great, in fact. But we also know we’re capable of causing each other an incredible amount of pain when things go wrong.’
He nodded, a sad smile on his face as he studied his hands. ‘So, what you’re sayingis things are best left how they are.’
I wrapped my hands around his. ‘No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying you’re so incredibly important to me that I need to be absolutely sure I’m making the right decision for the right reasons. Not just because I missed you beyond anything I can put into words, or because you very nearly died, or because I still fancy the pants off you somethingchronic.’
The serious look he’d held as he’d kept his focus on our joined hands curved into a smile.
‘OK?’ I whispered, leaning my head against the side of his jaw.
‘Of course. Take as long as you need. Please.’ His voice was low and raw and it would have been so easy to make a decision about our future together right there and then. But I steeled myself. We both deserved better thanthat.
A knock at the door broke the moment and made us turn.
‘Dinner.’ He dropped a gentle kiss on my cheek and stood, heading for the door while I fussed about with a tissue and did my best to tidy my tear-streaked make-up as he and the waiter set up the table.
We sat at the table and ate, talking about the trip, television series and films we’d seen and books we’d read. It was normaland mundane and inside I knew it was all the more precious because, in one split second, I’d nearly lost my chance of ever seeing him again.
‘You’re not really watching this, are you?’ Hunter’s voice drifted into my thoughts. We’d sat on the bed after we’d eaten to watch television and had gradually slunk down on the pillows until we were pretty much horizontal.
I rolled my head towardshim. ‘No, I am… ish.’
He grinned. ‘Ish.’
I pulled a face. ‘Well, neither are you.’
‘Actually, I know exactly what’s going on.’
‘Do you?’
