Page 71 of The Christmas Holiday
‘We’re talking about you.’
‘Well, I don’t want to talk about me, thank you very much.’ My hand reached for the volume on theradio but Hunter was quicker and he turned it off.
‘Too bad, because you need to hear some things.’
‘And I suppose you’re the one to tell me.’
‘I suppose I am!’
‘Great. I can hardly wait.’
‘For fuck’s sake! You keep doing this, Mia? If you keep up with this obsession you’ve developed about doing everything for yourself, proving to everyone that you can be everything you needwith no help from anyone else and pushing away people when they’re trying to offer kindness, or compassion, or simple honest-to-goodness help, then eventually people will stop offering. They’ll stop caring and this wish you have to do everything for yourself, and by yourself, is exactly what you’re going to get. For ever. Is that really what you want?’
His voice had risen and anger thickenedhis accent as his words bounced around me. For once, I didn’t have a reply to throw back as I looked into his eyes and saw the frustration boiling there.
Hunter turned his head and ran a hand over his hair, taking a couple of deep breaths as he did so. The other hand was back resting on the wheel but the muscles in it were tight and knotted and I kind of knew how they felt.
‘Look. I knowyou had a tough time when you were young. What your father did to you and your mum was a shitty thing to do. But you’re not that little girl any more. And not everyone is like your father. You always assume everyone is going to let you down so you push them away rather than run the risk of being proved wrong, and keep on with this insane plan of insisting on proving yourself to everyone all ofthe time. Mia. He didn’t leave because of anything you did, or didn’t do. You don’t need to keep doing this.’
‘I never thought it was because of something I did. Or my mother did! So you can keep your amateur analysis to yourself. I know the only reason my father left is because he found something he thought was better. A newer, younger model of my mother without the encumbrance of a youngchild. His secretary! I mean, God, what a bloody cliché! He couldn’t even be original about it! That, eventually, I might have forgiven him for. Maybe. But the way he stripped my mother of any assets? The way he humiliated a woman who had never done anything but put his happiness, his career, his home above all else? The way he turned her love and adoration into anger and bitterness? That is whatI could never forgive. And I never will. There was no excuse for that. He had plenty of money and he took my mother’s too, spinning some line about taking care of it all for her when all he was really doing was transferring it into his name so that, in the end, she had nothing. And you want to talk to me about trust?’
Hunter glanced out of the windscreen. The brake lights were off and somepeople were now out of their cars, trying to work out what was causing the worse-than-usual traffic.
‘You really need to let this go, Mia. It’s going to ruin your life!’
‘So, breaking up with you ruined my life? How very modest of you! It clearly didn’t ruin yours, though. Looks like you did exactly the right thing, leaving when you did, if your career and sex life are anything to go by!’
‘Stop twisting things. I never said that and you know the only reason I left is because you were adamant we couldn’t make it work. I wanted to try but you didn’t. I left because you gave me no choice, so don’t you dare put that on me!’
‘I’m not putting anything on you! We couldn’t make it work because, as much as you say not everyone is like my father, you wanted to put me in exactly thesame situation as he had my mother!’
‘What?’
‘You were always going on about how great it was having your mum at home when you were growing up, there when you got home from school and having the dinner ready for your dad when he got in from work. The picture-perfect family!’
‘I had a great childhood. And I’m thankful for it. It’s not a crime to celebrate something like that.’
‘Your mum gave up her career to care for you and your brother.’
‘Which is what she wanted! It was all she’d ever wanted. Nobody forced her! You can ask her yourself.’
‘Of course she’s going to say no one forced her now. But I bet when you two were fighting and being a pain in the arse she wondered what the hell she’d done.’
‘Quite probably! I don’t imagine there are many parents whodon’t have that fleeting thought at some point in time. But that’s all it was. Fleeting! She always said she had the perfect career in raising us two, and building a home with my dad. Why do you always see that as so wrong? What? You think she’s not as intelligent, or as worthy as you because she chose family life over a corporate career?’
‘Now who’s twisting things? I never said that! Youknow I don’t think that.’
‘No, Mia. I don’t know that. I never did know that. Every time I would try and talk about it with you, you’d shoot it down or change the subject.’
‘Because I didn’t want to get into the conversation about how you think that’s the way it should be. I wanted to try and keep what we had for as long as possible, but even I knew I couldn’t keep doing that for ever!I had to give you up because I couldn’t give you what you wanted!’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘The whole little wife at home scenario! That was so obviously what you wanted and I couldn’t ever give you that. I vowed I’d never put myself in the same position as my mother, giving all the control to someone else. Sitting at home, waiting for you until you got bored with it all, like hedid, and found someone more attractive to spend your time and money on. For God’s sake, Hunter, look at you! It’s not like you’re ever short of offers and it wouldn’t matter if you had a wedding band on or not.’
‘It would matter to me!’ His accent was thick again as his hands balled into fists momentarily. ‘Jesus! Don’t you dare compare me to your father, Mia. I am not him. And I would never,ever treat anyone the way he treated you and your mother. And the fact that you don’t know that…’ His brow knotted as he looked at me, confusion mixing with fury on his sharp, beautiful features. ‘I can’t believe you don’t know that.’ His voice was softer this time.
‘Nobody knows what’s going to happen in the future,’ I said, trying to regain the surety I’d always had in my beliefs – all ofwhich had started to craze with one look at the expression on Hunter’s face.
