Page 98 of The Christmas Holiday
‘I did say that. But the reason wasn’t that I didn’t want to be near you. The reason was exactly the opposite. I wanted to see you, and be with you, more than I could say. It didn’t matter what mybrain told me, my heart just kept ignoring it. And frankly, that scared the shit out of me. I thought avoidance was the best option. I underestimated how much you were valued, which I’m sorry for. That was arrogant of me and I apologise. But I also underestimated you, which I should have learned never to do. It didn’t matter how uncomfortable I tried to make it, hoping you’d quit – you never did.’
‘I couldn’t. It hurt to see how much you hated me, but I had to do it. And not because I wanted to prove anything, like you think. But because I knew it was an opportunity that might not come again.’
‘I’ve never hated you, Mia. Please don’t think that.’ His hand brushed my face, the palm caressing my jawline. ‘I was angry at you – at us both – for letting pride, and stupidity and insecurityruin everything we had together. But I never, ever hated you.’ He cupped my face with cold hands. ‘Mia, I’ve never stopped loving you. Even when I was mad as hell at you, I still loved you. I’m crazy about you. I always have been. Why do you think I was such a pain in the arse when you hit your head? The thought of something happening to you…’ He stopped and ran a hand over his hair, dislodgingand dissolving the flakes of snow that had settled there. ‘It’s more than I could bear. When I saw you come out of that changing room, your face all tear-stained, all I wanted to do was hold you, take care of you and do everything in my power to make things OK for you. But I knew you wouldn’t let me, even if I’d told you how I felt. You never trusted me enough to let me do that. I know I handledthings badly before. When I talked about families, I never realised you might find that threatening, or unsettling, because the same set-up had only brought you pain and hardship. But I can see that now.’
‘Why are you telling me all this?’
‘Because it’s time to stop running. Time to stop hiding. I’ve seen enough to know you don’t always get a second chance in this world.’ He squinted upat the sky. ‘Come on, let’s get you somewhere warm.’ His arm slipped around me.
I stayed where I was. ‘And you’ll tell me about the scars? And why you’re still carrying my engagement ring?’
He pulled me closer as a group of teenagers hustled by, bumping my arm. ‘I’ll tell you everything. I promise.’
We headed up the road in silence, but my mind was anything but. Everything I’d seen,everything Hunter had said so far, turned around in there, my thoughts clambering over each other as I tried to make some sort of sense out of them, and vainly attempted to decide exactly what it was I felt. I knew now that, if what he said was true, I needed to be sure my attraction towards him wasn’t just basic and fleeting. I’d broken his heart before, unintentionally. This time I would knowexactly what I was doing. I had to be unequivocally sure.
‘It always worries me when you’re this quiet,’ Hunter chuckled.
I gave him a sideways glance and a half-smile. ‘Just thinking.’
‘That’s what worries me.’
I poked him in the side with my finger and he laughed again.
‘Here. This looks warmer.’ We stopped outside a coffee shop and Hunter pushed open the door. Christmasmusic and chatter combined and flowed over us the moment we stepped in. It was busy and noisy and I could see from Hunter’s face it wasn’t going to be right for whatever it was that he planned to tell me.
‘Let’s go somewhere else,’ I said, taking his hand and leading him back to the door.
He hesitated a moment before nodding, relief on his face as he let me lead him back out into the streets.The daylight was nearly gone now and Christmas decorations stretched from one side of the street to the other, colours pulsing and changing as icicle lights chased their way down the displays. We glanced up and down the street as people hurried past us, laden down with bags and parcels and enormous rolls of wrapping paper jutting out like medieval lances.
‘There’s another café up there. Let’stry that.’ Hunter tilted his head in the direction of the next possible venue.
‘It’s likely to be as busy as that one with this weather,’ I said, swallowing a few snowflakes as I spoke. The wind had picked up and the fall of snow was steadily increasing. ‘Let’s go back to the hotel.’
Hunter waggled his eyebrows, teasing.
‘I know you’ve won awards for your photography. I’m stunned youhaven’t won one for your wit.’
God, his smile was so damn beautiful.
‘Must have been an oversight.’
‘Clearly,’ I replied, spotting a cab and flinging my arm out to signal it.
