Page 102 of The Best Little Christmas Shop
‘Sounds lovely,’ I forced out brightly. This was probably forthe best anyway. Mum had invited Cal and George to Christmas dinner and although I hadn’t ever thought of myself as a masochist, I’d hoped he wouldn’t cancel. I knew Mum’s invitation was irrespective of our situation. She adored both of them and hated the thought of them alone in their quiet house whilst ours rang with noise, laughter, and good-natured arguments.
Last year George and Cal werenew to the village and although she’d invited them, she’d accepted Cal’s polite refusal; but you didn’t turn down a Christmas dinner at Mum’s twice in a row with no good reason. It certainly looked like he had a good reason now – several thousand miles of good reasons.
‘You’ve told Mum?’ I said, keeping my tone light.
A sheepish look gave me my answer.
‘Not yet.’
‘You ought to do it as soonas possible. She’s already started baking.’
I caught the look he gave me. ‘If I tell you I didn’t consider coming, I’d be lying. I know it will be wonderful and yes, I feel a pretty shitty dad right now, not giving George that opportunity to spend his Christmas with you all. But we’ve been away before around Christmas and he enjoyed it so, although I’m not exactly his favourite person right now,I’m hoping he’ll warm to the idea again soon.’
‘You’re still his favourite person. But you’re not coming because of me.’
‘No. I’m not coming because of me. Because right now I don’t know how to be around you and not feel what I feel for you, and that’s not going to make a great Christmas for any of us. I think the break from each other will do us both good, to be honest.’
‘Yes,’ I croaked out,knowing he was probably right but also knowing that the last thing I really wanted from Cal Martin was space. ‘You’re probably right.’ Keeping my eyes from locking with his, I cast my gaze around. ‘I really should go and see if Claire’s OK. Have a lovely time in Antigua. Give my love to George too, won’t you?’ I said, as I began walking away. I knew that if that little boy ran over for a cuddlenow, I’d be lost. Cal was right. Space was the best thing for us all.
Pasting on a smile I headed over to the cash desk and began greeting the customers, making small talk about the weather, the season, and the items they were buying. In the background of their hubbub, I heard the doorbell tinkle and Cal’s large frame filled the doorway as he held the door firmly against the biting wind. Georgeturned and, wiggling his head to try and see me through the people, he then gave me an enthusiastic wave. I waved back and blew him a kiss before turning my attention back to my other customers. The smile on my face might have fooled them, but it didn’t fool my head – or my heart.
I wrapped the last of the purchases and laughed with the happy family, their joy filling me with an ache that mademe want to run home to my own. I wanted to make the most of their time and their love while I could. Seeing Cal today had made it clear what I needed to do. Deep down I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. But it was what I needed and that would have to be enough.
