Page 65 of The Best Little Christmas Shop
‘No … I know. I’m … I just think it’s better this way.’
‘That’s a repeat of what you just said, just in different words.’His tone was tense and I could feel my neck aching as I reacted to the stress now flooding my body.
I let out a sigh. ‘I really like you, and I’m already head over heels for your son.’
Cal remained silent, but his expression showed the confusion my apparently contradictory statement caused.
‘The things you were talking about the other night. What you’re looking for in the future for you andGeorge …’
Cal reached across and gently took hold of my hands, which at this point were busy screwing and unscrewing a napkin into a state of oblivion. ‘Oh, Lexi. That’s just a someday scenario.’ He gave me one of those devastatingly dangerous and incredibly sexy half-smiles. ‘This is clearly the downside of feeling able to tell you anything. There are obviously things I should keep to myselffor a little longer.’
‘No. It’s not that. I think it is lovely that you felt you could say those things to me. In fact, it’s good to know that sort of stuff now. I mean, I guess you would be looking for that sort of thing eventually. Look at you! It’s hardly like you’re going to be hard up for dates. But no, it’s good to know things now before we’re both more …invested in the friendship.’
Calsat up a little more, and removed his hands. He didn’t snatch them but there was a definite drawing away and I could hardly blame him. ‘I’m already invested and, stupidly, I thought you were too.’
‘I am, Cal. Please don’t be upset. I …’ Panic built inside me as I felt my chest tighten and tears begin to blur my vision. ‘I’m doing what I need to do for both of us. I’m not good at any of this stuffand I’ve tried to handle it like a normal person and it’s too hard, OK? I can’t do it. So I have to do it in my own way before anyone gets hurt.’
He flashed me a look and I knew I was already too late on that front. I could only hope that he didn’t feel anywhere near as awful as I did.
‘I think I deserve to know what I did, Lexi.’
‘I already told you – you didn’t do anything. It’s me.’
‘It’snot you, it’s me? Really? Surely we both deserve better than that.’
I gave him a glance under my lashes, feeling uncomfortable and miserable. It didn’t look like anyone was eavesdropping. Luckily, unlike some restaurants, the tables weren’t crammed together so that you couldn’t help but overhear conversations. But I still knew I needed to get out of here as soon as possible.
‘Please, Cal,’ Isaid, steeling myself. There was no way I was going to cry in the restaurant. We were still under the radar at the moment but that would put us firmly in the crosshairs. ‘As a friend, can you just accept that I can’t do this right now? It’s not right for me, and it’s definitely not right for you and George.’
‘Oh. So, we are still friends?’ His voice was low but his tone had more than a hint ofsarcasm streaking through it.
‘Of course. If you can do that. It’d make things easier over Christmas at least. It’s hard not to bump into people in this village, especially at this time of the year and with the children being such good friends. I just can’t spend time with you. Like this.’ I knew it was a lame explanation, and glancing at Cal, he was obviously of the same opinion. ‘I really wouldlike to be friends still but I can see it’s a big ask, judging by the look on your face right now, so I’ll just have to leave that decision up to you. Thanks for dinner.’ I began pulling my purse from my bag.
‘What are you doing?’ Cal asked.
‘Leaving some money for the bill.’
‘Don’t. I asked you to dinner and have no intention of using that money even if you leave it.’
‘Yes. But –’
‘I saidI’ve got it, Lexi.’ His tone was definite.
I gave a brief nod and then left the table in as understated manner as possible. I was in no doubt the news that our whatever-people-had-labelled-it was already on the rocks would soon be round the village, but I was still prepared to do what I could in the meantime to avoid drawing any more attention. Not especially for my sake, but for Cal.
I waspretty sure most people in the village already thought I was kind of rubbish when it came to relationships. I’d had a couple of longer term relationships that had fizzled into nothing and more recently I’d been on the verge of today’s much sought after “celebrity lifestyle” and I’d chosen to hand it back.
There were still those in the village who couldn’t understand my choice. I knew that. There’dbeen sympathetic eyes and whispers that perhaps Marco had let his eye wander, and photographs of him hanging out with beautiful women at the races didn’t do anything but fan the flames. He’d thought it was amusing. It was one of many points we’d differed on by then.
I’d desperately wanted to dispel the rumours. Marco and I might not have been talking at that point, but I still hated that peoplemight unjustifiably be thinking badly of him. The paparazzi had intruded into our relationship from the beginning and it had been overwhelming and a little scary. But the one thing Marco had taught me was to just ignore them. Never respond. They’d only twist what you said to make better copy anyway, he said, so I’d kept quiet and hated it.
All in all, my history just left people wondering whatit was about me that meant I couldn’t seem to make things work when it came to relationships. My parents were still as happy as ever, and all my brothers had now married and settled. It was just me who couldn’t seem to get it all figured out. And now, once again, from the outside, all people would see was me stepping away from someone who seemed perfect. The trouble this time was that he seemedpretty damn perfect for me from the inside too. At least for the moment.
Cal remained at the table, his expression unreadable as I pushed my chair back. I turned and walked through the restaurant, stopping at the coat rack and lifting my long bottle-green wool coat off a peg. I missed the armhole on the first go, snagging it on the second attempt before starting on the second one.
‘Here, letme.’ Cal’s deep voice was behind me, and I felt him close by as he held my coat and guided my arm into it. His hands went to the belt that hung loose and then settled on my hips, turning me slowly to face him. He didn’t meet my eyes, instead focusing on the belt, ensuring the coat was wrapped around me before he tied and knotted the belt.
‘Too tight?’
