Page 73 of The Best Little Christmas Shop
Dan tilted his head at me. ‘We all know he’s still very firmly taken. In his mind, anyway.’
Keeping my head turned away from them, I sat downnext to Apollo and began slowly, rhythmically stroking his shiny, caramel fur, feeling my pulse calm with each pass. He gave a satisfied sigh and opened his eyes, checked that we were all still there, twitched his eyebrows a couple of times, and then drifted back off to sleep.
‘He’s not taken.’
‘Lex. I’ve never seen you happier than since you’ve been home, getting stuck into the shop – and gettingto know Cal. Even with Marco. Don’t get me wrong. I like Marco, but there’s something different about you when you’re with Cal. And it’s good.’
‘All a bit late for that, unfortunately.’
‘It’s never too late,’ Claire’s quiet voice made me look up.
‘No, of course not,’ I replied hurriedly. ‘I didn’t mean with everything … I just meant with this. Me. Cal. That’s all.’ I’d never give up hope onthese two finally having the child they so desperately wanted. It was a bond that had strengthened the tie between Dan and I, and forged a strong friendship between me and his wife.
‘I know what you meant, don’t worry.’ She laid her hand gently on my shoulder as I went back to stroking the dog. ‘But I’m not sure Cal’s quite as ready to give up on things as you are.’
I plopped back onto my bottom,leaving the dog snoring contentedly. ‘It’s not that I’m giving up on him.’
‘No. You’re giving up on yourself, which is almost worse.’
I gave her a look up through my lashes. ‘You know, I think I preferred it when you first started going out with Dan and would come here and not say two words.’
She grinned at me and for a moment, the tiredness went away, replaced by a radiance. ‘Very funny. Butyou’ve got a good point. It was scary to me coming into a big family like this, especially to someone who’d never had any brothers or sisters and didn’t have the best relationship with her parents either. You were already this tight family unit, and it was kind of terrifying to be launched into that. I worried that I’d feel the odd one out. That I wouldn’t get the in jokes, or might say the wrongthing.’
‘No. We tend to leave saying the wrong thing to Joe. He’s already so accomplished at it.’ Dan gave me a smirk.
‘Oh, don’t be mean. You said yourself – he’s just looking out for Lexi in his own way. But my point is that the thought of meeting everyone, learning how to be a part of a large family, was quite intimidating. I had moments of wondering whether I should break it off with Danbecause, even though you were all so lovely and welcoming, it was difficult for me. That’s why I hardly ever spoke to start with. I’d be gripping Dan’s hand under the table so hard I’m surprised I didn’t break a finger.’
‘You did. I just never told you.’
Claire spun to face her husband and caught the gleam of the tease in his eyes. ‘Oh you!’ She laughed, batting him on the thigh.
‘Anyway, whatI’m trying to say is that sometimes things are scary and you don’t know if they’re going to work out, but you do them anyway because the thought of not being with that person is far worse than anything else that could happen. I knew how important family is to Dan, and I was terrified I wouldn’t fit in, you wouldn’t like me, or a tonne of other possibilities I’d created in my mind. But I knew thatsomehow, we’d make it work. Whatever happened, we’d make it work. And we have. Even though we’ve had more challenges than we’d have liked, we still make it work because we know that together is where we are supposed to be.’
I sat for a moment and then launched myself at both of them, wrapping them in the biggest hug I could muster. ‘I love you both so much,’ I said, my words muffled by Dan’sshoulder, ‘but I’m not going to let you in again if you’re going to make me cry.’ The hug got tighter and Dan’s shoulder got a little damper.
‘Never give up on yourself, Lex,’ Claire whispered.
‘I’m not,’ I said, shaking my head against my brother’s arm, ‘I just don’t want to hurt them further down the line. And if it feels this awful after such a short time, what would it be like once I wascompletely in love with them both?’
‘Right. Because you’re not already …’
I pulled back and looked at Dan.
‘What?’
‘Lex. I held you when you were less than an hour old. I’ve been watching over you ever since and I know what makes you happy and what doesn’t. You once said that I didn’t seem excited about your wedding to Marco. It’s because I never saw the spark in you that I was looking for.I know what marriage and family means to you. I didn’t want you going into something that maybe wasn’t quite right for you.’
‘What spark? And how come you never said anything?’
‘The spark isn’t something you can explain. You just know when you see it. And I didn’t say anything directly, but believe me, I was keeping an eye on things.’
‘Right. Well I guess you were right,’ I sighed.
‘I didn’twant to be.’
‘I know. But do me a favour. If you see that elusive spark, whatever it is, give me a shout, won’t you?’
Dan stood and put a hand out to help Claire up, gathering their now empty mugs to take back to the main kitchen in the house.
‘I’ve already seen it, Lex. Everyone has.’
