Page 70 of The Best Little Christmas Shop
‘About a year, on and off. We were getting married anywayand we knew we both wanted children. After the accident, Marco was keen to celebrate life in every way possible. I didn’t tell you we were trying because you were already dealing with Dan and Claire, and being supportive for them. I could see how difficult it was for you two watching them struggle and I didn’t want to give you and Dad something else to worry about, especially with Dad’s heart.’
Mum swooped me into her arms, her voice thick with emotion. ‘Oh, my darling! You should have told us. There’s enough love and support in our hearts for every one of our children. I can’t bear to think of you going through all that alone.’
‘It’s OK, Mum. I’m sorry. I never meant to upset you. And I wasn’t exactly alone. Marco was there.’
‘You should have told me,’ she whispered, placing a kisson my head. ‘Promise me you’ll never think you can’t come to us again. It doesn’t matter what else is going on. We will always be here for you. Me, your dad, and every one of your brothers.’
I nodded against her tight squeeze.
‘Promise me,’ she said again.
‘I promise.’
We stayed there for a few moments, watching the landscape outside the kitchen window. ‘I hate that I’ve upset Cal. But gettinginvolved with someone who definitely wants more children wouldn’t be fair to them. I know that now. Relationships are hard work and adding in extra pressure just makes it harder. Honestly, Mum. It’s better this way.’
Perhaps the more often I repeated it, the more I’d believe it. Like some twisted kind of mantra.
‘Have you talked to Cal about it?’
I shook my head. ‘He doesn’t know the wholestory, no.’
‘No wonder he’s upset. You know you’re the first woman he’s shown an interest in since he moved here?’
I blew out a sigh. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?’
‘I’m not on anybody’s side, darling. I don’t think there is a side in this case. You both look as miserable as one another.’
Pushing my hand back over my hair, I looked back out of the window. ‘There’s no point going throughit all with him. Especially not now.’
‘Why not?’
I turned and leant on the sink. ‘Well, for one, he probably doesn’t even want to talk to me right now.’
‘No. I don’t suppose so,’ Mum said, inspecting her nails for a moment. ‘That’s probably why the first thing he did when he saw me this morning was to ask how you were.’
I swallowed, trying to process that, putting it to the corner of my mindwhen it proved too hard.
‘Mum, you know what he’s like. He and Marco are quite alike in a lot of ways. Definite alpha male type.’ I sighed. ‘He’ll say what Marco did. That we’ll get through it all, et cetera. But I’ve been there before. I’m not prepared to be the one to take away his dream. The one who causes him to have to explain to George why he won’t be getting the brothers and sisters hewants. It will be the same thing all over again but even worse. They’re hopeful at the beginning. Typical alpha males who think they can fix anything. But then things don’t get fixed, and things don’t go their way, and watching that hopefulness fade in someone’s eyes is just awful, especially knowing you’re the reason.’
‘Lexi, that’s not true. It’s not like you wished this on yourself.’
‘No,I know. But the result is the same.’
‘There are other options, if it doesn’t happen. You know that, and Cal is a sensible, down-to-earth boy. I’m sure he does too.’
I nodded.
‘There are always options in life, Lexi.’
‘In the end, it’s always going to be the same. I’m sorry, Mum. I know you’d prefer I stayed here and built a life like you and Dad have, but I can’t. It’s just better for everyoneif I go back to what I was doing. I enjoyed it for the most part, so I think it’s best.’
Mum looked at me. ‘I’d be happy for you if I thought it was what you really wanted.’
I blew out a sigh and squared my shoulders. ‘It is, Mum,’ I said. She caught my gaze and we both knew I was lying.
***
Later that day I had a text from Cal. My tummy gave a little twisted lurch as his name popped up onthe alert and I wondered how long it would be before that stopped happening. Truthfully, I knew it probably wasn’t going to be for a long while yet.
