Page 106 of My Year of Saying No
Jess gave him a little smile of acceptance and curled her fingers a little more into the hand he was holding.
Harry was still looking at her. ‘There’s something else going on here, isn’t there?’
‘No, nothing,’ she replied.
Harry looked across the table at me and I swallowed. I knew Jess was still festering about what Tarquin had said, especially about Harry’s family, playing on doubts she already had in her mind, exploding them into far bigger ones, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. This had to be something between Harry and Jess – as much as I wanted to blurt it all out, I couldn’t.
Even without looking, I could feel Jess boring holes in me with her eyes. Reaching out for the water bottle, I busied myself topping up my glass and asking if anyone else wanted some.
‘Jess?’
‘God, Harry, you’re like a dog with a bone!’ she laughed, but none of us missed the underlying tension in it, despite her best efforts.
‘Yes,’ he said softly. ‘I can be when it’s something important. And this – you – are the most important thing in my life. There’s something going on here and I want to know what it is. If we’re going to be married, we shouldn’t be starting out with secrets.’
‘There are no secrets, Harry. But… I have been wondering about things. That perhaps we’re rushing things a little. Whether it might be beneficial to everyone if we took a little more time, gave those who need it a bit longer to come to terms with the fact you chose a real wild card to bring into the family.’
‘Maybe Lottie and I should go and get some air while you two discuss things,’ Seb said, making to push back his chair, but Harry shook his head.
‘No, stay. Please.’ He looked at me and then back at us both. ‘Whatever’s going on here, I’m pretty sure Lottie already knows about it already. It just seems to be me that’s in the dark.’ He paused for a moment, then leant back in his chair. ‘I have an announcement. We’ve all been very interested in Lottie’s decision this year to say no to the things she doesn’t want and I am going to take a tip from that.’
I felt my stomach churn, the wonderful food of earlier now sitting leaden inside me. Jess’ face froze. Under the table, my hands were balled into fists, the short nails I’d managed to grow recently digging uncomfortably into my palms. Suddenly they were warmer as Seb’s large hand covered them, and I felt a wave of comfort and support wash through me. I still held my breath.
‘It’s about time I said no to a few things that I should have done a long time ago.’
Jess’ eyes were fixed on the tablecloth in front of her.
‘One of those things is maintaining any sort of contact with Tarquin.’
Jess looked up.
‘I asked him to leave the party that night after he had insulted not only two of my friends but also the woman I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with. It was inexcusable and I should have not only told him to leave but also that our friendship was over. Just because I’ve known him forever doesn’t mean I have to put up with his behaviour. I don’t want someone like that in my life. I want friends I can trust, and whose company I enjoy and who are supportive of me and my life. Not people who want to destroy and poison things.’
‘Are you sure?’ Jess asked.
Harry interlaced his fingers with hers. ‘The last time I was this sure about something I was asking you to marry me, so yes, I’m absolutely positive.’
Their kiss was soft and romantic and I suddenly felt as if I were intruding so averted my eyes to the sparkling chandeliers above us, the intricacy of the ironwork on the stairs and finally my gaze landed on Seb, who was looking at me and grinning.
‘What?’ I whispered.
He shook his head, but his hand remained on mine, and he gave it the briefest squeeze in reassurance.
Harry, it appeared, wasn’t quite done. ‘Now, however, I am pretty sure there is something that my lovely fiancée also wants to say no to, but, for the life of me, I can’t work out what it is. I only hope that it isn’t saying no to marrying me…’ Suddenly the confident, positive Harry looked unsure.
Jess’ eyes widened at his obvious concern and, without warning, she burst into tears. ‘Oh Harry! Of course it’s not! I love you! I never thought it was even possible to love someone as deeply as I do you and I can’t ever imagine my life without you in it now. I don’t want to.’
‘So, what is it?’ he asked, softly.
Seb slanted his gaze to me and raised an eyebrow. I met his eyes. I had a pretty good idea, but, even though we’d got into the habit of sharing almost everything, this was Jess’ secret and not mine to talk about.
Jess rolled her shoulders back, took a huge slug of wine and turned in her seat to face Harry. ‘I don’t want the small wedding your family have been politely insisting on ever since we got engaged. Despite what Tarquin said, and what some people might think, I only ever plan on doing this once and I want it to be the wedding I’ve always dreamed of. Not one that someone else thinks is “appropriate”.’ She made the little shapes in the air with her fingers. ‘For whatever reason.’
Sensing she wasn’t yet done, Harry remained silent.
Jess took another huge swig and carried on. ‘I’ve seen the pictures of your sister’s wedding and it was bloody huge! Even if she was marrying into another old family, it shouldn’t make a difference to what we have. I feel like they’re insisting on this small wedding because they’re ashamed of me. Of your choice. I don’t want to be the cause of any more rifts within your circle of friends and certainly not your family, but I don’t deserve to be treated like an embarrassment either.’
She let out a breath and downed the rest of her glass. Harry, meanwhile, was looking slightly shell-shocked. After a moment, he came to and reached for his own glass before taking Jess’ hands in his.
