Page 120 of My Year of Saying No
I’ve also attached a screenshot from a paper out today of a quote by Prince William about the good work the charity is doing. The same story is in a few different papers apparently, both physical and online, which is great coverage.
Both of these circumstances have led to a massive spike in hits on our website already and we know that they have only come about because of your hard work and determination to go above and beyond the remit of your position in order to ensure the success of the event.
In light of this, I would like to ask you, on behalf of the charity, if you would do us the honour of attending the gala so that you are able to meet the other members of the team and we are able to thank you in person for everything you have done.
Following that was his standard digital signature.
I read the email through again, looking for a hint of personality, but there was none. I pressed reply, thinking how different this situation might have been last week. Deleting my blank email, I went back to the original and hit Reply All instead.
Dear All,
Thank you so much for your email.
I am so pleased to hear that the latest connections have paid off and that, together with the quote we secured, they are already helping to boost the charity’s profile even more. That is great to hear.
I’d also like to thank you for your kind invitation to the gala, which I was very honoured to receive. Unfortunately, I will be unable to attend but very much appreciate the thought behind the gesture and, of course, wish you all the very best of luck for its success.
Kind regards,
I finished it off with my own digital signature, pressed send and closed my computer.
‘Come on, Humph. Time for a walk.’
For once I wasn’t in my pyjamas, which enabled me to go straight out which seemed like the ideal plan right now. Getting out into the countryside with just my dog for company was exactly what I needed. I wasn’t going to think about Seb, or the gala, or the impersonal way he’d gone about inviting me. If he’d truly thought I’d accept that, then he really didn’t know me at all, but I’d kind of already come to that conclusion. It didn’t mean I wasn’t sad about the whole thing though. However much I’d tried to pretend I was OK to Jess, and to myself, I wasn’t. I was hurt and upset and furious at Seb – but I also felt like I’d lost someone incredibly important from my life and I was still working out how to deal with that. So far this week, general denial and avoidance was working as well as could be expected, but I wasn’t entirely sure that was a viable long-term plan.
Seb Marshall had been in my life for the best part of three years and I’d spoken to him most days for the majority of that time. This year we’d grown even closer, and more recently, on the odd occasion when I let the fairies in my brain out of their cage, I’d wondered whether there really could be something more to us.
But there wasn’t. And there wouldn’t be. Right now, there didn’t even appear to be any sort of us and I needed to deal with that.
Getting outside was the best thing I could have done. The evenings were so much lighter now and the branches heavy with blossom. A gentle breeze rippled through the orchard to my right, lifting the scent along and teasing my senses. I reached up, touching a bloom that hung close to the path, feeling its soft petal, grounding myself in the moment. Being mindful of—
‘Holy shit!’ My phone rang out from my pocket, shattering the peace.
Humphrey looked around at my exclamation and I apologised to him for my language as I wrangled the phone out of a pocket that was a tiny bit too small for it. Having finally managed, I looked at the screen. It was a WhatsApp video call. From Seb. I let it ring off.
Just as I was about to put it back in my pocket, it started up again. I pressed decline. And because I knew Seb and the determination he had when he needed it, I began typing a message.
I’m out. Can’t talk
There was no emoji. No kiss. Just facts. Facts I could deal with right now.
OK. Would you be able to call me when you get back?
I looked at the top right of my phone and checked the time. As I did this, I saw the word ‘typing’ replace ‘online’ in the top left, just under Seb’s name.
I know it’s after hours, but I’d really appreciate it
There was a gap and more typing.
Even if I don’t really deserve it
I gave a sigh and stuffed my phone back into my pocket. I wasn’t sure what to do yet. I couldn’t avoid him forever. I enjoyed the work I did for him and the charity and I’d be sorry to lose that – and not just in an economic sense. It felt good to be working with such a great cause and feeling I helped to make a difference.
I gave myself an eye roll and concentrated on getting back to my mindful stroll. Seb Marshall would just have to wait.
* * *
Heading back in, I felt refreshed and that a few of the knots I’d worked into my body throughout the day had begun unfurling. Checking the dog’s bowl, I gave it a rinse and put down some clean fresh water, which he immediately set about lapping up, kindly giving the floor area around it a wash for me while he was at it.
