Page 138 of My Year of Saying No
I nodded and then turned back to the window, wanting the night to be over. Wanting to be out of this stupid bloody dress and wanting to be home, with my dog, knowing that at least I could trust him not to break my heart. Unlike Major Seb Marshall.
* * *
The gala had been a huge success and, in the weeks following it, the charity had been attracting more attention and more investors. Seb was run off his feet and I was doing everything I could to help with the new plans he had for the charity. A part of me had hoped that when I spoke to him again, once he’d got over the initial shock of seeing his ex, he’d get back to his normal self. But the bigger part of me knew that wasn’t going to happen, and the past few weeks had proved me right.
I knew I hadn’t imagined things at the garden show, or at the gala. The way he’d looked at me, the words he’d spoken, the way he’d held me. But I, it seemed, like all the other women he’d dated since he’d got back on the scene, had been nothing more than a distraction. It was why his other liaisons never lasted that long. Seb might have opened his heart to his family now regarding the guilt he’d been carrying, but he seemed incapable of opening his heart to anything more than a few dates with women. Maria had captured his heart. He’d asked her to marry him and then, when everything turned upside down, she’d left. Or been sent away. It didn’t really matter which, because she’d still taken his heart with her. Which was really inconvenient, because I’d spent the last several months trying not to give mine to him, and the moment I did, he hadn’t even noticed.
We’d talked, but he was definitely more distracted than before and, while I knew he suddenly had a lot more on his plate thanks to the success of the gala, he was also more withdrawn. From saying he wanted to be with me, now he barely rang and had made no suggestion to meet up. Jess had tentatively mentioned she’d seen a picture in the society pages of Seb accompanying Genevieve Carstairs to some function or other, but I’d quickly changed the subject and Jess, thankfully, hadn’t pursued it. Perhaps Seb’s habit of keeping his real feelings at a distance from any romantic partner worked for Lady Carstairs. From the way she’d been looking at Seb that night of the gala – and pretty much everything I’d heard about her with regards to him– feelings were not the thought foremost in her mind. And if he was now accompanying her on social engagements, I guess that arrangement worked for him too. But even without a wealthy heiress in the way, I knew that wasn’t an arrangement that would work for me. I was all or nothing. I gave my all and I wanted ‘all’ back. Maybe it was selfish to ask that much, but I wasn’t prepared to be with anyone now who wasn’t prepared to give that to me. So I focused on my work, keeping myself busy with my other clients and doing everything I needed to with the charity. But thoughts of Seb still stubbornly pushed themselves into my brain. It was time to stick to my original year plan. It was time to say no. Again.
Dealing with Seb as a client no longer brought me joy. It brought me pain and heartache and a sense of feeling idiotic that I’d let my silly little crush turn into something far deeper. The one thing I’d resolutely told myself I definitely wouldn’t do. Luckily his latest email had given me the opportunity to resolve things once and for all.
Dear Lottie,
Got an important meeting with a new sponsor next Monday. I know it’s short notice, but it’d be great if you could come. I’d really appreciate your input. I realise this is a bit beyond what virtual assistants get involved with, but I’d be appreciative.
Let me know.
Thanks
Once again it was signed with his digital signature. Nothing more personal. I had a sense of déjà vu and kicked myself. Was I really going to keep going round in circles with this bloke? No, was the simple answer to that.
Dear Seb,
Thanks for your email. I was just about to contact you.
Unfortunately, I won’t be able to attend this meeting. My current workload is such that taking extra time out like this just isn’t possible and, as you say, this is really beyond the scope of my duties as a virtual PA.
This leads me on to the point that I was going to discuss with you. As the charity has grown, and now with the extra attention brought about by the gala, it would seem that this is the perfect time to be considering a dedicated PA. I have done everything I can really but am unable to keep allotting the extra time it needs and do not want to risk giving my other clients less than 100 per cent of my attention.
In the circumstances, I am having to cull my client list and am now writing to give you three months’ notice, as per our contract. This should give you ample time to source potential applicants and interview them.
Until then, I will continue with my work for you, but this will be restricted to a virtual basis, as was the original agreement.
I wish you all the best with the meeting on Monday and know that you will be able to handle things brilliantly.
Kind regards
My own digital signature ended the message and I pressed send before I could second guess anything.
Ten minutes later, my phone rang. I ignored it and thankfully it fell into silence. After three more missed calls, all from Seb, I switched both my computer and phone off and took Humphrey out for a walk. It hadn’t been the ideal way to end a working week, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
‘We both know that, don’t we?’ I asked the dog as we meandered along. He looked round at me, tipped his head to one side and then, deciding the conversation wasn’t actually that interesting, continued to snuffle and trot along, leaving me to my thoughts.
* * *
A knock on my door on Saturday evening had Humphrey scooting off my lap and running to and from the door, just in case I hadn’t noticed this interruption to my quiet night in. I ignored it for a bit. My parents and Jess both let me know when they were coming over, as did Sally, on the odd occasion she came round, which, since her transformation into ‘much more chilled’ Sally, was now more regular, and more often than not, accompanied by Oliver, who I’d really grown to like and who seemed to be very supportive of my sister. As I hadn’t ordered anything either, there was no reason for anyone to be knocking at my door. Generally when that happened, it soon stopped and I heard the noise move further down the hall and greetings exchanged. The numbers had fallen off several of the doors ages ago and despite repeated requests, the maintenance company still hadn’t got around to putting them back on.
This time, however, the knocking continued. I shooshed Humphrey, scooping him up on my way through the hallway and moved the peephole cover aside.
Crap.I dropped it back into place and stood back. Now what?
I unlocked the door and pulled it open.
36
‘Hi.’
‘Hello,’ I said, forcing a cool, collected note into my voice. I wasn’t sure if it worked, but I was sure as hell going to try.
