Page 87 of My Year of Saying No
‘I know but—’
‘Lottie,’ Seb said, turning to me, his size stopping me in my tracks. I looked up, meeting the dark eyes, serious in the handsome face. ‘I don’t give a shit what people like Tarquin think about me, and while I appreciate the thought, I definitely don’t need you to defend me. I’m more than capable of defending myself, if and when the need arises.’
I got the distinct feeling I was being told off. He turned to walk away.
‘So, why didn’t you then?’ I asked, annoyed. It had always been second nature for me to defend my friends and here he was, getting all uppity about it.
Seb stopped, glancing at the concierge, who was, in accordance with his job, doing a wonderful impression of not being able to hear our conversation as it echoed around the expensive décor. Seb pushed the door to the street open and waited for me to go through. Once outside he turned back.
‘I didn’t because there was no need for it. One, it’s Jess and Harry’s night and I didn’t want to make a bigger deal than was necessary, and two, I don’t need to dignify comments from people like Tarquin Twit-Idiot-Pendleton with a response, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t either. I know you meant well, but I don’t need your protection.’
‘You know what? If you think I won’t always defend my friends, any of my friends, then perhaps you don’t know me as well as you think you do.’
His hands were shoved in his pockets now and his body, still held with the upright bearing of a soldier, was rigid. He felt distant. Unreachable.
‘Fine,’ I said, looking away. ‘And thanks for the clarification on how to behave.’
‘Lottie…’
‘Here’s the taxi now. Perfect.’ I’d called it on an app from upstairs and had never been more pleased of a distraction. I grabbed the door handle before Seb could and slid in the back, across the seat, and as far away from him as I could manage.
Seb manoeuvred in, wincing for a moment as he tried to fit, his leg bumping against the seat in front. I could already see the problem, but, having apparently already said too much once this evening, I remained silent, letting him deal with it.
‘Could you push the seat up a bit, please, mate?’
‘Oh, yeah sure,’ the driver replied in a slightly dazed manner that made me think that hailing a black cab might have been a better option.
Seb settled his long legs in and shut the door, leaning back against the seat. Confirming the directions, I settled back too and turned my head away to look out at the streets of London, still busy with locals and tourists. Neither of us spoke, the air filled instead with the offerings of a Punjabi radio station as the driver bopped his head softly to the beat.
Having paid the taxi, we walked to my flat and I unlocked the door, Seb following me in, both of us silent, the air between us thick enough to slice. Hearing us enter, the two dogs hurled themselves around the corner, greeting us both as though we’d been away for months, not a few hours. That doggy greeting never got old. Even on a night like tonight, those canine snuggles raised my spirits.
I stood back from cuddling the dogs and slipped my coat off, hanging it on the hook. From the corner of my eye, I saw that Seb was still wearing his.
‘Aren’t you taking that off?’
Seb let out a sigh and absent-mindedly ruffled the fur on the top of his dog’s head.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
He tipped his head back momentarily before looking down at me. ‘I’m just thinking it probably would have been better if I’d not had a drink and I could have just left now, and not be stood here, making us both feel awkward.’
‘Right,’ I said, for lack of anything else to say as thoughts pinged about my brain.
‘I’m usually up early anyway, so I can be gone before you—’ He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening at me in surprise.
He wasn’t the only one surprised. I’d had absolutely no intention of bursting into tears in quite such a spectacular manner. If at all! And I still had no idea where they’d come from. One minute I was busily ensconced in my annoyance at him and the next minute I had a virtual torrent streaming down my face and had started making weird hitching noises as I juggled breathing and crying, my body apparently trying to get a rhythm going but struggling in that particular endeavour.
Then Seb’s arms were around me, pulling me gently against him, one large warm hand behind my head, the other at my back. But just because I was crying didn’t mean I wasn’t still upset with him and I pushed him away. At least I tried. He didn’t really budge, which was kind of annoying. Instead, he pulled away a little, looking down at me.
‘Lots, I’m so sorry. I never meant to upset you. I know you were just being who you are.’ He moved his hands to my face. ‘Please forgive me. I haven’t handled this very well and the last thing in the world I want is see you like this.’
‘Then don’t look,’ I snuffled out between hiccups.
He pushed my hair back with one hand. ‘Not an option.’
I gave a little huff and he pulled me back against him and I relented a little, resting my head against his chest as he stroked my hair with one hand, the other cuddling me to him. ‘I just hated hearing him speak like that. I couldn’t help it. It just came out. It’s nothing to do with me thinking you can’t defend yourself. It’s to do with you being my friend.’
‘I know. I realise that now. It was kind of an automatic reaction.’
