Page 113 of My Year of Saying No
‘Hypothetically speaking. That doesn’t mean that Seb still wouldn’t have become a soldier. And the look on your face just now tells me you were doing exactly the job you were meant to do. Just as Seb was.’
‘Perhaps that is true.’
‘I’m pretty sure it is. Having met you both, I can’t really imagine either of you as anything other than soldiers. Even retired ones.’
‘Seb’s doing pretty great as a businessman. I mean, from what I hear from Jamie. He doesn’t really say a lot about it himself to me.’
I shook my head. ‘You’re both carrying around all this guilt and all it’s doing is making things worse.’
‘Seb feels guilty about something?’ He stopped walking.
Oh. Crap.
‘Umm. No… I just meant… in a general sense.’
‘Lottie. I dealt with people in a whole host of situations. Sometimes it was very handy to know if they were telling the truth or not. You get pretty good at working out who’s lying and who isn’t. And I’m pretty sure that right now, you just told a porker.’
I looked up and saw him see straight through me. Just like his son could. But this wasn’t my secret to tell. I’d already said far too much and Seb had told me something in confidence. Not that he’d ever asked me not to say anything, but it had been unspoken – at least I’d taken it that way. I liked this man, sensing that he loved and missed his eldest son very much. Having spoken to both of them, it seemed the chasm between them had been due to circumstances, guilt, pride and a whole host of other reasons that made things complicated when they should be simple. But I couldn’t fix this, or even try to, without breaking a trust I wasn’t prepared to, even if I thought it could help.
‘Understood,’ he said simply, gently squeezing me round the shoulders in reassurance and I felt a wave of relief.
* * *
‘Look what I got!’ I held the pot out to show Seb as he opened the door to us a few minutes later.
He bent his head, reading the tag stood on its side in the earth. ‘Charlotte.’ He looked across at his dad. ‘Is that Mum’s rose?’
‘A cutting of one of them, yes.’
Seb held out his arm for me to grab on to as I wobbled, trying to steady myself as I took off my boots. ‘You’ll like it, Lottie. It smells gorgeous. My mum would just sit there on summer evenings sometimes, enjoying the scent on the warm air.’ His face had a faraway look on it and I thought back to his dad telling me how he did the same thing up at the allotment, and wished I could tell Seb. But I wasn’t sure that was my tale to tell.
‘Lottie! Come and bake with us!’ Isla grabbed my hand, tugging me in towards the kitchen, forcing me to shove the plant at Seb as I was yanked along. He grabbed it off me, cradling it for a moment as I had done and I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to hold him.
The children had launched into the baking, and moments later I was pretty sure I already had cake mix in my hair from some vigorous stirring by Seb’s nephew. His uncle looked over and smiled as the men disappeared into the other room.
‘I probably ought to be getting home soon,’ I said to Olivia, closing the door of the oven, having put the fairy cakes in to bake.
‘Oh no! Stay for tea. Please. It’s lovely to have you here. It’s so nice to have another woman to talk to.’ She gave a little wink before lowering her voice. ‘Plus, between you and me, I haven’t seen Seb this happy in a long time.’
‘Oh, I don’t think—’
‘I do,’ she interrupted. ‘I’ve known that boy a long time and I definitely do.’
‘Lottie?’ Seb was at the door to the kitchen and right now he didn’t look happy at all. I glanced at Olivia and she frowned.
‘Yes?’
‘Can I have a word with you, please?’
‘Umm… of course. Hang on, just let me wash my hands.’
Olivia passed me the towel and we exchanged a confused look before I followed Seb towards the front door. Gesturing me to go through, he followed, checking his key before pulling it closed.
‘Enjoy your trip to the allotment?’ he said after a few moments.
I pulled a face at him. ‘You know I did. I told you that when I came back and showed you the rose. What’s going on?’
‘Yeah. Thing is, you didn’t tell me you’d had a nice little chat with my dad about stuff.’
