Page 124 of My Year of Saying No
‘Do you need to get a tissue?’
Bugger.
‘Nope. I’m fine.’
He drew a hand across his mouth. ‘I never want to make you cry, Lottie.’
‘Too late!’ I tried to laugh it off, but it only half worked. His face looked as grim as ever.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I wanted to talk to you the moment your tail lights disappeared, but it’s taken me a week to build up the courage to do it. I guess half of me was worried you’d tell me I’d messed up badly enough for you not to want to talk to me, outside of work at least, ever again.’
‘It took you a week to find the courage to do that?’
‘I know…’ he raised his free hand in a single-sided shrug.
‘No… I mean. After everything you’ve done. Things you’ve seen. Been through? I don’t think courage is something you’re lacking in, Seb.’
He gave a wan smile. ‘Maybe that gives you an idea of just how worried I’ve been then.’
I shook my head and saw his Adam’s apple bob.
‘This isn’t going to be good, is it?’
‘You did mess up. Big time. You didn’t trust me and that was really hurtful.’
He nodded but said nothing, which I was glad of. He could only say sorry so much, and I already knew he meant it.
‘But, if we’re lucky, we learn from our mistakes. I’m pretty sure we’ll both learn something from this one.’
The smile that broke on his face was like a sunbeam bursting through the clouds after a storm. ‘Does that mean I haven’t screwed this up completely?’
‘It means you had a bloody good go but didn’t quite manage it. This time.’
He put a hand on his chest. ‘I swear to god, Lottie. There will not be a next time.’
‘See that there isn’t, soldier,’ I teased.
He flicked his eyebrows up. ‘Yes, ma’am.’
‘But I don’t understand. You’ve always seemed to cope so well.’
‘And I have. And until you showed up, I didn’t even realise there had been anything missing from my life. I’d turned things around, regained my life and my drive, and I thought I had everything. But your friendship showed I was wrong. Getting to know you, sharing so much with you – it’s brought something that I hadn’t even realised I was missing. But when you took it away… when I sent you away, it was like all the colour and warmth drained away too. I’ve had a week of nothing but grey and I never want to go back to it.’
I didn’t know what to say. But then Seb smiled and I could see no words were needed.
‘I want to make it up to you. Is there any way I can see you this weekend?’
‘Seb, there’s nothing to make up. Really. We’ve talked it over now and we’ve both agreed you acted like an arse and you’ve apologised. It’s done.’ I gave a little shrug and smiled as additional confirmation.
He grinned. ‘That is true, but I’d still love to see you. Maybe catch that hug I let you leave without last week.’
‘Well, tomorrow I’m heading off to a garden show with my parents, but I guess Sunday might be an option.’
‘Which garden show?’
I told him.
‘That’s great! I’m going to that too.’
