Page 56 of My Year of Saying No
‘You can’t blame yourself for any of that. You didn’t ask to be caught up in that IED blast, and she knew that not taking the path you’d chosen would have made you unhappy, which she certainly wouldn’t have wanted.’
He looked down at my hand and laid his other over it before lifting his dark, thick lashed eyes to me. ‘And how did you get to be so wise?’ he asked softly.
There wasn’t an answer I could give that didn’t sound flippant, so I just tightened the hold I had on his hand for a moment in reply instead, before letting go.
* * *
We sat on the sofa talking until late, Scooby’s soft snores the only other sound, until Seb glanced at the clock, apologising for keeping me up. I dismissed his apologies, knowing I’d have happily sat there until dawn, listening to him, exchanging ideas and thoughts and laughter, feeling more at ease than I ever thought I would have, bearing in mind it was the first time I’d been in his home and how awkward I’d felt initially about the unexpected sleepover situation.
‘And so polite too,’ he laughed. ‘The perfect guest. You can definitely come again.’
‘Is that a promise?’ I smiled back, perhaps a little bit too emboldened by the nightcap he’d poured us a short time ago.
He stood up and put down a hand to me still sat on the sofa, which I took, allowing myself to be hauled up. Scooby was stretching and yawning, making that high-pitched squeak dogs do when they’ve got a really good yawn going. ‘It most certainly is. Open invitation. I’ll even put it in writing if you like.’
‘Well, you know I like everything organised and easily referenced.’
‘I do indeed. You’re the queen of organisation. That’s why I know I lucked out getting you to take me on as a client.’
My mind, relaxed by the surroundings, the evening and Seb in general, had been happily skipping ahead of me on a path that, as a rule, I’d kept myself off. At Seb’s words, his reminder that, although we were friends, there was also a business element to our relationship, caused my imagination to pull up short, stumbling in its haste to stop. This effort apparently showed on my face.
‘You OK?’ Seb asked, his forehead creasing in concern. ‘You’ve got a funny look on your face.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, a weird laugh escaping as I made an effort to cover any other feeling I was experiencing right then, of which I had a few to pick from, not least of all, lust, which wasn’t awkward at all. ‘Bit of a head rush getting up, that’s all,’ I said, bending down to pick up the glasses from the coffee table.
‘Leave that, I’ll do it.’
‘It’s fine. I think you have other priorities anyway.’ I nodded towards where Scooby was now patiently standing by the patio door and looking hopefully between his master and the back garden, where a patch of grass clearly had his name on it.
I took the glasses through to the kitchen and gave them a quick wash as Seb sent the dog out into the darkness and stepped through after him. I was just popping them away in the cupboard I’d seen Seb take them from earlier when they walked back through, Seb locking the door behind them before he headed into the kitchen. The slight limp he walked with was more pronounced now, and I guessed the more tired he was, the more toll this took on his body.
‘You OK?’ I asked.
He nodded in reply.
I faffed about straightening the tea towel I’d just hung on the front of the oven. ‘I’m sorry. I maybe shouldn’t have asked that. I know you don’t like people fussing, and it’s not like I’m—’
‘Lottie.’
I stopped, mid flow, but kept my eyes lowered. ‘Hmm?’
Seb tilted his head and bent a little until I got the hint and met those dark, annoyingly sexy, eyes. ‘You are allowed to say, ask and do whatever you like. OK? If you ever ask anything I’m not ready, or willing, to talk about, I’ll tell you. Although, as I talk to you about pretty much everything already, I can’t see that happening. But I never want you to feel that you have to tiptoe around me. Excuse the pun.’
I gave him a slightly embarrassed look up through my lashes.
‘Understood?’ he prompted.
I nodded.
‘Good. So, in answer to your question, yes, I’m fine. My leg is aching and a bit painful, but that will be helped by some rest, which I think we both need.’
I ran a hand back over my hair. ‘Oh god, do I look that bad?’
He gave me a look. ‘Irritatingly, no. You don’t. Which makes me feel quite old and haggard in comparison.’
‘You’re not that much older.’
‘I know, which is what makes it even worse.’
