Page 97 of Winter at Wishington Bay
‘Thank you.’
‘It was never my intention to purposely hurt you, Sophia. I suppose…’ she cleared her throat. ‘I suppose I can see now that those comments, although made in jest, could have been taken in a way they were not meant.’
It was the nearest I’d ever get to an apology from her, but I wasn’t going to thank her for it.
‘What did you mean about knowing the problems with conceiving lay on Jeremy’s side?’
I tried to hand back the damp handkerchief but she waved it away before retaking her seat in the armchair and looking across at me.
‘His fiancée is neither the brightest nor the most discreet of women. A couple of gin and tonics and out it all flows. She forced him to go and see some Harley Street chap and get things tested. Incredibly low sperm count as it turns out. Though why anyone should be surprised, I don’t know. We all know Jeremy has a lazy streak. Apparently, that even extends to his little swimmers.’
I crossed my arms over my middle and hugged myself. All those years of him blaming me for not getting pregnant, for not providing him with a son and heir, like one of his bloody brood mares. And all the time it was him. I’d had an idea about that, of course, once I’d taken matters into my own hands and visited specialists and had an assortment of tests. So far as they could tell, there was no reason I shouldn’t get pregnant. Now it all made a lot more sense. I felt the emotions tumble within me. Rage, hurt, grief. I wasn’t sure which I felt the most of and perhaps, right now, that was a good thing. That information, however long suspected, would be something that I’d need to process, and right now definitely wasn’t the most conducive time to do that.
‘Why didn’t you contact me? Tell me where you were? Instead I had to find out through some convoluted game of Chinese Whispers!’
I looked up, matching her cool gaze with one of my own. ‘It’s been over eighteen months, Mother. And you’ve only bothered to find out where I am now because it affects you. Because I might have embarrassed you by living my own life and taking on work that you feel is beneath you and your family. If none of this had been made public, you’d still be happily ensconced back in Surrey in your cosseted life, with all your country club friends, sipping G&Ts and sneering at all those around you. Life as usual.’
She tilted her head a little higher, her chin jutting out just a tad more. ‘Is that what you think of me?’
I paused momentarily before answering. ‘Yes.’
‘I see.’
The air was still between us. For a moment she looked as though she were about to say something, when all of a sudden there was a flurry of commotion downstairs and I heard the front door opening. The only other person with a key to the flat was Flora for emergencies. Quickly, I rushed to the interior door and pulled it open. Flora’s head was peering round the door to the street downstairs.
‘You all right, love?’
I nodded, trying to find a smile amongst all the emotions swirling round me. ‘Is everything—’
The door opened further and Nate stepped in, pushing it closed behind them both.
‘I’m sorry.’ She gave a small shrug. ‘He’s been in the shop for the last half an hour begging me to help him see you.’
29
I moved quickly down the stairs and patted Flora’s arm, eager to assuage the concern on her face. ‘It’s all right. He shouldn’t have put you in that position in the first place,’ I said, throwing Nate a look. He looked pained and I saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.
‘I needed to see you. I left you a bunch of voicemails and you’re not answering your phone.’
‘I’ll leave you to it.’ Flora hugged me hard, before casting a glance up the stairs at where my mother was now stood at the top, watching our little tableau. Flora gave my hand a final squeeze then slipped back out of the front door, leaving Nate to close it behind her.
‘That was very unfair on Flora.’
‘I know. And believe me, I’m not proud of it and I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to her, but I didn’t know what else to do. I needed to see how you were, especially once I heard about this lot.’ He jabbed his thumb behind him towards the street. ‘And to apologise.’ He took a step towards me and I immediately took a step back. A muscle flickered in a jaw that clearly hadn’t seen a razor for a few days. I tried not to remember that part of that reason was because he’d been here, with me, and him being clean shaven was the last thing on either of our minds.
‘It’s of little consequence now,’ I said, attempting to make the words sound truthful. From the corner of my eye, I caught the look on Nate’s face and realised that strategy clearly hadn’t worked. Time for a more direct approach. ‘You should probably get back to your wife.’ I turned away from him and made to return up the stairs. Nate caught my arm.
‘Soph, please. I—’ He stopped, suddenly becoming aware that we had an audience. I took the opportunity to slide my wrist from where his hand still gently circled it and made my way up the stairs. My mother made no attempt to move as I re- entered the flat until she finally took the hint my glare conveyed. She stepped out of the way, and I made to push the internal door closed.
‘Soph, wait!’ Nate, who had followed me up the stairs, grabbed the side of the door. ‘Please!’
Had it been Jeremy, there was every chance I’d have considered, if not actually acted on, closing it anyway but I pulled the door open a little more, staying at the threshold, thereby keeping Nate out. He looked down at me and I gripped the door tighter, hating the tension now back in his body, the dark circles under his eyes that suggested there’d been little, if any, sleep last night. Having seen his wife in her clingy bandage dress, that particular fact wasn’t exactly a shock. However, that didn’t mean I needed it rubbed in my face.
‘You should go,’ I said, struggling to keep my voice strong.
‘Not until we’ve talked.’
‘There’s nothing to say.’
