Page 98 of Winter at Wishington Bay
‘Yes, there is!’ He ran a hand back over his hair, his jaw tense with frustration. His other hand was still on the door, as if in readiness for me slamming it closed. The silence hung between us, heavy, and almost tangible.
‘I’ll be going now.’ My mother’s educated tones broke in as she approached us. ‘There’s obviously nothing I can say that’s going to make you see sense and come home with me.’
‘I am home, Mother.’
She gave the flat a cursory glance before her gaze landed on Nate, and lingered there for a few moments, curiosity clearly burning through her.
‘So. You must be the married man.’
‘Mother!’
Nate cleared his throat. ‘Not that I believe this is any of your business, but for the sole reason of Sophia not deserving the tone, or implication of that statement, I am separated. I’ve been so for nearly a year and divorce proceedings are progressing.’
My mother raised one eyebrow in interest before swinging her glance to me.
‘Goodbye, Mother,’ I said, before she could add anything else.
She held my gaze a moment and nodded. Nate stepped aside, and she made her way down the stairs and out into the street. I walked away from the door, leaving Nate to close it behind him whichever side he chose to be on. From the window I watched my mother return to her car, the door opened by her driver, before he returned to his place behind the wheel and drove off. Part of me wondered if I’d ever see her again. Another part wondered if I cared. Turning away from the window, I found that Nate had indeed stayed. He was studying me, concern written across his features.
‘You OK?’
I nodded.
‘So that’s your mum, eh?’
It sounded strange to hear her referred to as ‘mum’. She’d never been anything but Mother. Mum seemed far too informal and warm for the relationship we had – if you could even call it a relationship.
‘You shouldn’t have come here,’ I said, changing the subject, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible so that I could sit and work out exactly what it was I was supposed to do next. I’d told my mother I was home and that much was true but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stay after all this. I’d enjoyed my privacy and now that had been shattered and, worse, so had other people’s. I didn’t want that to be a lasting legacy of my time here.
‘I needed to see you.’
‘They’ll have your photograph now too,’ I said, waving my arm in the direction of the window. ‘Don’t you think I feel bad enough already?’
‘That was my choice.’
‘It wasn’t up to you, Nate!’
That stopped him and I couldn’t bear the pain on his face. I turned my own away and sat on the sofa. Hesitating a moment, he then sat next to me. Tentatively he touched my hand as it rested on my knee. Suddenly I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was to lean against his warm, solid body. Feel his arms wrap around me as they had at the weekend and sink down in the comfort and security – and what I knew now on my side was love – of that embrace. But I couldn’t. The weekend had merely been a brief sojourn into what might have been. The reality was here, now and far, far different.
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think that part through. I apologise if I’ve made any of this worse for you by coming here but I needed to see you were all right.’
What was the point of lying now?
‘No, Nate. I’m not all right. Not at the moment. But I will be.’ I took a deep breath and let it out. ‘I will. My life here has been turned upside down and I made that worse because I didn’t tell people the entire truth. At the time, I thought that was the best thing to do, and I had my reasons for that.’
‘Because you were trying to leave that part of your life behind.’
I lifted my head from where I’d been staring at a faded patch on the knee of my jeans. My gaze connected with his and I felt a flip in my stomach that I’d hoped had been extinguished.
‘Yes.’
‘I’m sorry I didn’t come and meet you from the restaurant,’ he said, taking my hand in his own.
‘It’s fine. You had other things to do.’ I pulled my hand away, gently but firmly and tried to ignore the ripple of pain that crossed his face as I did so. Maybe he had felt something for me but that was all done now. It was in the past and he had a future to build back with Serena.
‘I should still have let you know I wasn’t coming instead of standing you up.’
I tried to laugh it off. ‘It was hardly being stood up.’ Except that’s exactly what it had felt like. Nate’s face told me he knew that too.
