Page 77 of You Only Live Once
Jack gave me a gentle prod in the side. ‘Very funny. And no, they didn’t know my background. I tended to keep it vague.’
‘What about your wife?’
‘Well, yeah, she did know, but not until a fair while into the relationship, until I knew it was something serious.’
‘It was probably only right to inform her that she might one day become a countess.’
‘That’s kind of what I thought, too.’
‘How did she take it? I assume pretty well, bearing in mind she still married you.’
‘I guess so. She quite fancied herself as a countess, I think, although I’m not sure she realised how steeped in tradition it is, plus the fact that if the time came, we’d have to move to England. I think she thought that was negotiable, but people believe what they want. She was, however, sworn to secrecy about it all. I really didn’t want people knowing.’
‘I can understand that.’
‘Unfortunately, she considered that vow relevant only during the time that we were married. The moment things got rocky, everybody knew.’ Jack pulled a face.
‘Oh no.’
‘Not ideal, but I got through. With the divorce going on, that was the least of my problems, to be honest.’
‘I’m sure. Are you any more resigned to taking on the title if and when you have to?’
‘In a way, I suppose. But there’s no way I’m giving up my business. I’ve worked too hard, three times now, to give it up again.’
‘Is there any reason that you would have to?’ I asked.
‘My parents wouldn’t be keen. They’re still set in their ways – the old ways.’
24
We drove on for a while longer before Jack touched my hand gently. ‘How are you doing?’
‘Quietly terrified but less so than I would have been on my own. Conversation helps. Distraction.’
Jack peered back out of the window. ‘There’s still a little while to go yet. What would you like to talk about?’
I splayed my hands out either side of my thighs, realising that I’d been balling them into fists once our previous conversation had finished. They felt clammy, and I was worried about staining the satin of my dress by resting them on my lap.
‘Tell me about why you love gardens and design so much – what drew you to that and what your ultimate garden would be,’ I said, leaning my head back against the seat and closing my eyes as Jack’s deep, melodic voice began to do exactly that.
* * *
‘Oh my God.’ Outside, a writhing mass of humanity surrounded and spilled out from the theatre where the premiere was to be held this evening. Security guards had already stopped the car twice before allowing us to move further on, the driver having showed the required ID, until we got closer to the entrance. I could see cameras flashing almost constantly and even through the heavy darkened glass of the windows I could hear the shouts and calls from both the crowd and the paparazzi at all the guests as they made their way into the venue. We were still some distance away so goodness knew what the noise would be like once we were right in the centre of things.
‘I can’t do this.’ I turned to Jack in a sudden panic. ‘I just can’t, it’s too much!’
Jack took my hand from where it was once again balled up into a tight fist, so tight that the knuckles and almost the entire hand was white through lack of blood flow. Gently he prised it open, gave it a gentle massage to bring the colour back before folding his own large, reassuringly cool one around it.
‘Youcando this, Lily.’
‘I can’t. I really can’t. Listen to the noise! I can’t deal with all this. Please, I just want to go home.’
Jack shifted himself further in the seat and turned so that he was looking directly at me. ‘If that’s really what you want, then we can do that. We can ask the driver to turn around right now. But it has to be what you truly want, deep in your heart, and not just a temporary, and understandable, anxiety about doing something that is out of your comfort zone. If we go home now, and in a week’s time you still think that you did the right thing, then that’s fine. But if you think that you’re going to have even the slightest regret that you didn’t do this, then I think it might be good to just carry on for the moment. I know it’s scary, but I’m right here with you, Lily, and I won’t leave you. I promise. We can always just try it for a bit, and if you find it still too much, then we can get the car and go home. You’ll still have had a massive achievement, not to mention the opportunity to show just how breathtakingly beautiful you look tonight. It seems a shame to deprive people of that.’
I let out the breath I didn’t even realise I’d been holding in a nervous laugh. ‘Still got that silver tongue, I see, Jack Coulsdon-Hart?’ Finally meeting his gaze but still gripping his hand with a force that I think surprised us both.
‘It’s always nice to keep your hand in when you have a skill,’ he teased before leaning closer. ‘Except these days I only say it when it’s the truth and, believe me, it’s absolutely the truth tonight. You’re going to be the most beautiful woman there.’
