Page 95 of You Only Live Once
‘No. But we haven’t seen him much since you two broke up. I have to say I’m a bit surprised. He was absolutely devastated at losing you.’
‘He’s known her for a long time. He mentioned her once when we were talking about things. Apparently, their parents have always wanted them to marry, but she got fed up with Jack not asking her and married someone else. She was widowed a few years ago so the old hopes had once again been raised between the two families.’
‘He can’t love her.’
‘He must do.’
‘Not like he loves you.’
‘Loved,’ I said, putting the emphasis on the past tense. ‘I blew that one well and truly. He must love her, anyway. He wouldn’t be marrying her if he didn’t, he wouldn’t hurt her by committing himself to something he didn’t believe in.’
‘You’re right. But I don’t understand it. It just seems so quick.’
‘Yes,’ was the only response I could make. My stomach churned and my head pounded. Right now, the last thing I wanted to do was attend a wedding knowing that the man I loved would soon be marrying someone else and that it had all been my own doing. Today was William and Faith’s day. I’d looked inward for far too long. It was time to look outward and today I would watch them marry and look for the joy, for once not thinking about all the things that could go wrong. I’d see only the love that had brought them together, full circle, where they were meant to be.
‘Clive OK?’ Felix popped his head around the corner, pointing at my phone. ‘I’m guessing that’s what you went to check on.’
‘Where are the kids?’
‘With Jack and Cecily,’ Felix replied to Poppy before glancing back towards me, awaiting an answer.
‘Yes, he’s fine. Having a great time apparently.’
‘Sounds good. Come on. Let’s see if we can get you to have a great time too.’
Poppy and I both looked up at him and he sighed. ‘Yes, all right. I saw the ring. Let’s see if we can get you to have a half decent time, at least.’
I stood and linked arms with them both and headed back towards the church.
31
Jack and Cecily were on a different table to us for the reception, which made things a little less painful. Jack was sitting with his parents, although I was surprised not to see his brother in attendance. They were with a few others that I didn’t recognise from the village, perhaps friends of William’s from London. I tried not to look too often but it seemed that there was less of a strain between Jack and his parents now than there had been at the social gathering I’d attended with him earlier in the year. As I watched, Jack put his arm around his dad’s shoulder and leant in to say something, both of them laughing at the joke. Even his mother looked more relaxed. Perhaps this marriage was for the best, healing a divide that had been difficult for everybody involved. That didn’t mean I would ever not regret letting Jack go. Seeing him walk up the church path with Cecily on his arm, the huge engagement ring flashing in the sunlight, had felt like a physical blow.
I was nowhere near getting over Jack Coulsdon-Hart and knew I wouldn’t be for a long time to come, but I wouldn’t be closing myself away this time. Yes, that left me open to hearing gossip, and I imagined Jack would get married in the village church too, bearing in mind his ancestors had once owned the entire area, and I wasn’t quite sure how I’d cope with that – but I would. I was stronger than I thought, and I had my family and the wonderful gift that Jack had given me in Clive. Together we would find our way.
* * *
‘Looks beautiful all lit up at night, doesn’t it?’ The deep tones wrapped themselves around me and squeezed my heart.
‘It really does,’ I replied, without looking around.
‘Are you having a nice time?’
I wasn’t sure which was worse. Not speaking to him at all, as in the churchyard, or this inane small talk.
‘Yes, thank you. It was a beautiful wedding, and the food was delicious. I hope you’re enjoying yourself too.’
Jack moved closer, resting his hands on the stone balustrade surrounding the terrace that looked out over the landscaped gardens of the five-star hotel where the reception was being held. I gave an involuntary shiver, just as much from the chill of the evening as from the proximity of Jack’s warmth, once so familiar and now achingly missed.
‘You’re cold.’ Jack slipped off his jacket and made to put it around my shoulders, but I stepped away.
‘I’m fine, really,’ I said, pulling up a smile. It was definitely colder now, but I didn’t think Cecily would appreciate her fiancé putting his coat around another woman’s shoulders, especially one he had recently been in a relationship with.
‘Lily, you’re shivering. Just take the jacket.’
‘No,’ I said, ‘but thank you for the offer. I’m going back inside in a moment.’ As I moved I saw Cecily through the open doors, watching us.
‘Why the hell are you so stubborn?’ The question had a controlled but wary tone to it, and I looked up, meeting his eyes for the first time since the churchyard when he had looked away so quickly.
