Page 40 of You Only Live Once
‘We can only hope,’ I replied, before shooing him up the stairs.
* * *
Sitting in the silence, sipping my hot drink, I considered the night. In reality, for me, the thought of going this evening had been worse than the actual event. I couldn’t speak for Jack but it was obvious to Edward and me at least that he hadn’t enjoyed the circus that had been built around his return. Jack was good at putting on a public face. Perhaps it was all part of the upbringing, but I knew from my own attempts at this that there was a limit to how long you could do it for before it either overwhelmed you or you lost sight of who you really were behind the mask.
I had no idea what had been going on in Jack’s brain tonight when he’d spoken my name. He was partly standing in the shadows, so it had been hard to read his expression, but I didn’t buy it was just the alcohol. There had been something else, but clearly he hadn’t been as ready to share as he’d initially thought, and I wasn’t about to push. I’d had enough people push me years ago, from every direction, to talk, to get out, to date, in fact, to do everything I had no wish to do. And although I understood all of those wishes came from a good place and caring hearts, it was too much. People have to do things when they’re ready. Jack clearly hadn’t been ready to share whatever thought was swirling around his mind, but if and when he was, I was happy to listen.
Flicking off the side lamp, I checked the doors were locked and headed up to bed. No light filtered from under Jack’s door and there was no sound of movement from within. He’d looked exhausted, so I hoped that a combination of tiredness, relief and alcohol would enable him to get a good sleep.
* * *
I was a little surprised the next morning to see Jack’s door ajar and no sign of the man in question throughout the entire house. Taking my herbal tea, I wandered around towards the garage and saw that my old car was gone. I hadn’t expected him to have such an early start today, being a Sunday, and with what must have been some form of hangover, even if it wasn’t a bad one. Still, he was free to come and go as he pleased. That was the deal and, so long as he felt relaxed and happy enough to do so, that made me happy too.
I ambled back towards the main part of the garden, feeling the delight and calm that it had brought me from the first moment I saw it. The feeling had only increased since Jack had been working on it and, even though he hadn’t been here long, the corralling of the most overgrown areas had already begun to make a vast difference to the overall form of the garden.
Looking up into the clear blue sky, I pondered on what to do with myself today. I had thought about some baking, but it was such a beautiful day it seemed a shame to stay inside. Although I’d forced myself out the night before, that didn’t mean I was about to launch myself into a round of social engagements, but I did feel an urge to be outside, in nature and, unusually, further than my garden. I headed back inside and began looking at the map.
* * *
‘There you go, love.’ The cheery waitress put down a delicious-looking full English breakfast in front of me. I’d decided to head out for a walk and had found a trail on a hiking app that looked doable, not too far to drive to, remote enough to be peaceful but not completely isolated, from a safety point of view. This little café had caught my eye as I was driving and, on a whim, I turned the car into the car park before heading inside and settling myself at a corner table with my Kindle propped up for company. The staff were friendly, but not intrusive, the teapot was huge and the food was home cooked and delicious. Having finished almost an entire pot of tea on my own, I made a quick trip to a delightfully clean bathroom just in case, before I left to go and park up for my walk.
‘Thanks, love,’ the lady called as she picked up my payment and the large tip I’d left. ‘See you again.’
I waved and smiled, and inside, a small thought began to grow that yes, perhaps she would see me again, but one step at a time.
* * *
As I stood at the summit of the hill, I looked across acres of rolling green hills interspersed with the odd farm and breathed in the clean, crisp air. I was lucky enough to live in the countryside but there was something about the air here – perhaps it was the height that I was at – that seemed more pure and felt like it went deeper into my lungs. It had been a long time since I’d taken a walk like this, but it wouldn’t be the last. I wasn’t sure what Poppy and Felix would think. As far as they were concerned, this was probably still doing things on my own, but at least I was getting out further and I was enjoying myself. It was good for me, fresh air, the exercise, especially with a job where I sat on my backside for most of the day. It gave me a chance to think, whether that was about life in general or just a particular strand of plot that I was working on in my head. The beautiful views around me inspired me and I took little pieces away from it in my mind to weave into some ideas I had floating around for future novels. I pulled my phone from my pocket and framed up a couple of shots, just as reminders of my day and to look back on when I was writing. On impulse, I sent one to Felix. Of course, there was no signal here and something about that made me happy, but he would get it when I connected once more with civilisation.
Driving home, my phone rang, and I answered it on Bluetooth. ‘That’s not your back garden!’ My brother’s voice came over the speaker.
‘No, I took myself out for a walk. I thought you’d be pleased.’
‘I am pleased. Are you alone?’
‘Yes.’
‘Was that safe then?’
‘There are lots of dog walkers in this area, and I saw plenty of people. I just didn’t have to interact with them, so it was a win-win situation, and yes, I enjoyed myself, thanks for asking.’ I gave a small eye-roll.
‘That was my next question, but I’m sure you’ve already rolled your eyes.’
It was kind of irritating that my brother knew me so well.
‘And I’m glad you got out further than your back garden for once. Actually, I heard this is the second time in as many days that you’ve been out.’
‘News travels fast.’
‘Jack told me that you were going with him to his parents’ do, but between you and me, I wasn’t sure if it was actually going to happen.’
‘Well, you volunteered him to come with me to the premiere, so I didn’t really have a lot of choice. It would have been rather ungracious for me to refuse him when he needed support.’
‘True, but social things aren’t exactly your bag, are they?’
‘Definitely not and this was quite an interesting social thing, as you put it. Have you met his mother?’
Felix laughed. ‘Oh, yes, the inimitable Lady Coulsdon-Hart. She’s something, isn’t she?’
