Page 74 of You Only Live Once
I turned to face him and his hands slid gently along my forearms.
‘Holy shit!’
We both jumped as the doorbell echoed loudly around the hallway, breaking the sudden silence and… whatever else that was. I stepped back. ‘I guess that will be the car!’ My voice was a little over-bright and I made a mental attempt at reining it back in.
‘I suspect it will be.’ Jack’s, of course, was perfectly normal.
He lifted our coats from where they had been laid over the banister, then opened the door, greeting the driver with some small talk as I checked the house, waiting beside me as I locked up and dropped the key into my clutch bag.
We sat quietly for a while, enjoying the luxurious leather seats of the limousine that the publishers had sent for me. It all felt surreal as we travelled along a dark country road. With no lights outside, the only thing I could see in the window was my reflection looking back at me, and it wasn’t a reflection I was used to, not that I didn’t like it. It was just different. Very different.
‘You all right over there?’ Jack’s deep tones put the reins on my galloping thoughts.
‘Yes, thanks.’ I turned to smile at him. ‘Just thinking.’
He returned the smile. ‘That’s what I was worried about.’
‘Are you nervous?’
Jack took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. ‘Not especially, but I think that’s only because I was brought up in a household where social engagements and large functions were part of the norm. Even when I started prep school, most of the boys were from similar, privileged backgrounds so it wasn’t until I started mixing with a wider range of people, especially in the village, that I realised my home life wasn’t how everybody lived.’
‘What did you think about that, when you discovered the majority of people didn’t dress for dinner and entertain lords and ladies all the time?’
‘Honestly? I thought, well, this is wonderful! That’s one of the many reasons I loved coming to your house. Yes, we ate at the table and had that “family time”, but at yours it actually was family time. You talked about your days, but it was relaxed. There was no pressure, no one to impress. It was just… great.’ He spread his hands, as though unable to encompass all the thoughts he had in words.
‘I always wondered if you looked down on us a bit. I said something about it to Felix once, but he dismissed it immediately, saying that you didn’t and you weren’t like that.’
‘But you had your doubts?’
‘I did. But perhaps that was due more to my own insecurities than your behaviour.’
‘Just for utmost clarification, I never, ever looked down on any of you and never would. If you want God’s honest truth, I often wished that I could be part of your family instead of my own.’
I turned to look at him in the low light of the car, shifting slightly in my seat. The movement exposed a sizeable flash of leg, which I hurriedly adjusted in as nonchalant a manner as possible, continuing my conversation at the same time and hoping that Jack hadn’t noticed. A hint of smile showed on his face which told me he’d not missed a thing and that my bungled attempt to cover up had probably only made it worse. Perhaps this dress hadn’t been such a great idea after all – but I did love it. And why not? My legs were actually in pretty decent shape from the walks I took around my own garden and fields and now, with a dog to exercise as well, I’d noticed some extra tone come back into them. Perhaps it was just one more thing that I needed to chill out about. I returned my train of thought to Jack’s original statement.
‘You’d really rather have been part of our family?’
‘Well, Felix didn’t have the pressure on him to marry that I did, and to marry the right person, or pick the correct career, which in essence meant having both my wife and career picked for me. Your parents were interested in what you had to say, what you both thought and wanted to do. My parents are still stuck in an age where everything is ruled by tradition. The aristocracy has moved on, but it feels like sometimes my mother especially is stuck in aspic of a time long gone.’
‘I don’t think many of us thought about you like that. You were just seen as a privileged, perhaps over privileged, playboy type who could have anything and anyone he wanted.’
‘I’m sure it did seem like that, and to an extent it was, apart from having anyone I wanted.’
‘Oh?’
He shrugged and I waited for him to elaborate but he remained silent.
‘How did your parents feel about you dating girls from the village if they had certain women in mind for you?’
‘I don’t think they cared. The men of the aristocracy are allowed to have as much fun as they like, with whomever they like, just don’t start getting serious about the wrong person. That’s the golden rule.’
‘Was there someone that you really wanted to get serious with that they wouldn’t have approved of?’ I thought back to what he’d just said. ‘I have to admit, you always appeared as if the word commitment was a complete anathema to you.’
‘Partly it was, but some of that was self-preservation. I knew some of the women I went out with were only interested in the possible title that they might one day inherit should we marry, so I went out of my way to make sure, or at least give the impression, that I didn’t do serious relationships.’
‘I can name a couple of girls who were convinced that they would be able to change your mind.’
‘I’m sure you probably can, and I likely know the ones you mean. But unlike my parents, I really did want to marry for a genuine reason rather than title, or money, or any of those superficial motives.’
