Page 80 of You Only Live Once
A smile tilted one side of his lips upward as he looked back at me, the gaze unwavering.
‘I’m in two minds. Part of me thinks you’d never dare, but there’s another part of me that knows somewhere in there is a woman who would not hesitate in doing that, just to show me not to take her for granted.’
I gave him a quick raise of my eyebrows, knowing that I would never do that to him anyway. But it was fun to pretend, even though I was pretty sure he knew the truth.
‘Would it really bother you?’
‘Tonight? Not really. I don’t think anyone would even remember.’
‘I’m pretty sure quite a few people would. You’re fairly hard to forget.’
‘Was that a compliment?’
‘It was an observation.’
Moments later, we were ushered into the theatre itself for the actual screening. My stomach twisted suddenly with nerves. I’d lived with this book a long time and got to know the characters so well. They felt like friends. I always knew that handing them over in a sale of the dramatic rights meant that they were no longer mine, but I’d never been in the position before to see the outcome of that. Now I was about to and could only hope that Bella’s love of the book, and her endeavour to keep it as true as I’d been led to believe she wanted to, had been enough to convince the money men at the studios to do so. Either way, I was about to find out, as the lights dimmed around us and the curtain rose.
* * *
‘I know you’re really trying not to cry because of the make-up,’ Jack whispered close to my ear as the lights came up, ‘but I’m hoping those are happy tears you’re keeping back.’
I nodded, unable to speak. My worries had been unfounded, and the book had been turned into the most beautiful film, with Bella portraying the heroine of the novel in the best and most sensitive way I could have ever hoped for. My agent and the fabulous team from my publisher all came towards me, clapping and looking as pleased as I was with the outcome, exchanging more hugs and frantically dabbing at make-up in the hope of keeping it in check before filing out.
‘What did you think?’ Bella rushed towards me, her face suddenly looking younger and slightly insecure. ‘Did you like it?’
‘I really did,’ I replied honestly. ‘I absolutely loved it. You did an amazing job and totally captured the heroine as I imagined her when I was writing the book.’
‘You really think that? Honestly?’
‘I really do. I promise you. Thank you for helping bring my book to life in such a beautiful way.’
Eyes already filling with tears spilled over and she flung her arms around my neck, whispering the words, ‘Thank you.’ I hugged her back and once again felt what a surreal world I was experiencing. One of the most highly paid actresses in the world was thanking me for telling her that she’d done a wonderful job. Definitely not a position I ever thought I’d find myself in, but one that I suddenly felt grateful for, allowing me to give a genuine compliment to a young woman whom you’d never suspect would require such reassurance. But her expression showed that the simple words I spoke to her resonated and gave her confidence I hadn’t expected her to need. Perhaps we all wear a mask at times. The prospect of coming tonight had terrified me and that terror still hadn’t completely left me, but this moment made me glad that I had forced myself and that Jack had been so steady and supportive, along with my family.
‘You’re coming to the party, right?’
‘I… err…’
‘Yes, she is,’ Zinnia answered for me.
‘Great!’ Bella said, glancing over her shoulder and raising a hand to someone. ‘I have to go but I’ll catch up with you again there.’ I nodded and then she was gone.
I looked up at Jack, feeling the beaming smile on my face.
‘Happy?’
‘Yes,’ I replied, laughing. ‘I can’t help thinking this is all some sort of dream and I’m going to wake up shortly.’
‘Before you do, let’s get to that party. I want to make sure I get a dance with a famous author.’
‘Oh, shush,’ I said taking the arm he offered as we headed out in a small group towards the fleet of black cars that would be whisking people to the various parties. I had no idea which one we were going to, but right now, I didn’t care. To my utter astonishment, I was actually enjoying myself. Jack was very much helping that. He wasn’t intrusive, never barged into any of the conversations, he just stood there, being polite and making small talk when needed as well as being a silent, steady rock of support for me, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to repay him for that.
* * *
The party was loud, colourful, exciting and eye-opening. The team that had helped make this book what it was, along with Jack, all had far too much champagne, and a wonderful time together. I had laughed more this evening than I had done in what felt like a decade. After Mike died, I didn’t think I would ever laugh again, and then on the odd occasion that I did, it felt disloyal to the man I had loved so very much. It was silly to feel like that, I knew that in my heart, but I was unable to let go. And then it was almost as though I forgot how to laugh.
Gradually it had come back, that ability, especially once my niece and nephew arrived on the scene, but there was always a hint of guilt attached to it. But with the advent of Clive into my life, I’d begun to laugh more. His funny, sweet face with that dopey smile and always being so pleased to see me, even if I’d literally been out for twenty seconds dropping something in the compost bin, brought me such joy and release, it was like a dimmer switch had subtly been turned. And tonight, the switch was on full brightness and, for the first time since that awful night, I’d felt no guilt at all. Mike would be proud of me. That’s all I needed to think now. Mike wouldn’t have wanted me to shut myself away like I had. As much as he’d loved me, he’d want me to be happy, just as I would have, had the situation been reversed – a scenario I’d wished far more times than I could count. Tonight was a massive step but I’d had Jack by my side. I knew I wouldn’t be here right now if it hadn’t been for him. But I was determined to try harder to do things on my own too. For Mike. And for me.
‘You’re miles away,’ Jack said close to my ear when we were alone, the others having gone off to mingle and star spot.
