Page 114 of Just Say Yes
‘Of course you don’t, but it’s another level of commitment.’
‘Or another level of pain.’
The conversation had taken on an unexpected intensity as the words bounced back and forth like a high-stakes tennis match across the scrubbed pine of the family dinner table.
‘Not everyone is Siobhan, Lorcan. You know that,’ she said, her eyes momentarily flicking to me.
‘No, that’s true. She’s definitely one of a kind.’ His usually warm, soft voice was suddenly cold and hard-edged, laced through with bitterness.
‘Don’t you think it’s time you let it go?’
‘You’re on her side now?’
‘Don’t be an eejit. Of course I’m not. But it was a long time ago and you’re giving something that should be in the past too much power over your future. Your happiness.’
‘I’m plenty happy, thank you very much.’
‘Are you now?’
‘Yep. And all without a bit of paper.’
‘Or a steady woman by your side.’
‘Again, I don’t need a piece of paper for that either. Not everyone’s as set on traditional relationships as you are, Roísín.’ His hand reached for mine beneath the table but I moved it to my lap, lacing them together. The food I’d eaten was now sitting leaden in my stomach and I was concentrating on ensuring that it didn’t pay a second visit. From the corner of my eye, I saw his head turn towards me before looking back at his plate.
‘No, I know that,’ Roísín agreed.
I could feel other eyes on me but I kept my own lowered. This was not how I had expected, how I had wanted, today to begin. Lorcan knew my views, and the words he had whispered last night, the longings he’d confessed to, the wishes he’d spoken about, promises he’d made while exploring my body and after, as we’d lain together in the snug, limbs still entwined… Had they all been just words? Just a way to get me into bed? I’d seen similar tactics used at weddings over and over and yet I’d fallen for the same lines. I remembered the comments about Lorcan being a heartbreaker, but the more time we’d spent together, the more I thought my first impressions had been wrong. I thought I’d discovered the real Lorcan. But, as it turned out, it wasn’t the bridesmaids I’d needed to warn – it had been myself. With all my experience as a planner, not once had I let any possible attraction cloud my judgement. Until now. But this time it hadn’t just clouded it, it had been a full-on white-out.
‘But some people are,’ Roísín continued. ‘You used to be once as well. You need to let it go now, Lorcan.’
‘Just like that, eh?’ His voice still had that hard edge of steel but his sister wasn’t backing down. Everyone else was silent. Listening. Watching. Waiting.
‘No, not just like that, but it was a long time ago and you have to take back your life. I know you were devastated and if I could have got away with it, I’d have shoved her off the bloody cliff for cheating on you and lying about that child but—’
‘Child?’ I said, my head snapping up.
Lorcan’s eyes blazed then looked away.
‘What child, Lorcan?’ I asked.
He remained silent.
‘I said, what child?’
‘I’ll tell you later,’ he snapped.
‘No, you will tell me now.’
‘Oh, I will, will I? Don’t forget you’re not in charge of me any more.’
‘I’m very well aware of that. But I’m asking you to tell me of your own free will.’
‘Funny how once marriage and weddings come into the conversation, free will seems to make a swift exit.’
I glared at him, hot tears burning in my eyes, everyone else just a little bit out of focus as I struggled to keep them from escaping and pouring down my cheeks.
‘Excuse me,’ I said, attempting to retain as much dignity as I could, and pushed my chair back from the table.
