Page 32 of Just Do It
‘People think that because you deal with the dead and the past all day, you’re less affected by death?’
I swallowed, thinking back to how devastated I was when my grandmother passed away. How Friedrich had struggled to understand the depth of my grief. That should have been a clue that something wasn’t right but I’d reasoned that everyone dealt with loss in different ways. And, as far as I knew, he was in the lucky position never to have lost someone he was close to.
‘While I imagine you can get invested in a mummy or whatever when you have a new discovery, for example if you’re studying them over a long period, but it’s still not the same as losing someone you’ve created memories with and loved.’
I could have kissed him right then and there. And not just because of the obvious. In one sentence Finn understood and conveyed what I’d tried to explain to my former fiancé time and time again. I’d lost my grandmother but she’d also been a friend, a mentor, a champion and a whole bunch of other things I couldn’t even put a name to. The grief had swallowed me up like a deep, dark pit and the one person who I should have been able to turn to for support couldn’t, and it seemed, had had no interest in trying to understand.
I stifled a yawn and Finn pushed himself up from the sofa, gathered our mugs and took them out to the kitchen.
‘You don’t have to do that,’ I said, padding out after him.
‘Habit,’ he replied, glancing over his shoulder as he located the dishwasher and placed the two items in it. Neatly, of course.
‘It’s not usually this much of a mess,’ I explained, as I followed him into the hallway. He turned to face me.
The corner of his mouth tipped into a half smile.
‘Never apologise for being you, Elizabeth. You’re perfect as you are. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.’
With that he bent, kissed me on the cheek and twisted the lock of the front door, the chill air of the night causing me to shiver. I stood, waiting to see him off.
‘It’s cold. Get back inside and keep warm.’
I stayed where I was.
‘Do you ever do as you’re told?’
Without permission, my mind hurried off and helpfully fetched a memory of a time I’d done exactly as he’d asked. I was glad of the soft, low light of the outdoor lamp that hopefully hid my blush, and instead gave a shrug as answer.
‘Night, Elizabeth.’
‘Night, Finn,’ I replied, looking up as I did so. There was a smile in his eyes now and I knew. His mind had gone to the same place. I gave a quick wave as he stepped away, closed the door, threw the bolts and leant back against it.
I turned over and looked at the clock. 3a.m. Great. I’d gone to bed after Finn had left but sleep remained elusive. Instead my mind twirled with thoughts of his laugh, our conversation and occasionally – OK, more than occasionally – his body and the way he’d made mine respond so easily. Despite my instructional words to him this evening about no sex, the truth was I hadn’t wanted him to leave. He’d been the perfect gentleman and I could have kicked him. My body wanted him to stay but the sensible, rational part of my brain knew that right now, any sort of distraction was a bad idea. I’d lost the opportunity I’d been sure I was going to get. I’d been the most qualified and best placed and still it had been awarded elsewhere. Iwas determined not to miss out next time. I’d study more, publish more papers and show them that I was the best, the only, candidate for the next one. I had to. Otherwise, what had it all been for? But that would take even more effort and determination than I was already putting in and I didn’t have time for distractions. Even when they came in such a magnificent shape as Finn Bryson.
The expansion of the museum was several months’ worth of work so avoiding him wasn’t an option. Now I just needed to find a way to work alongside Finn for those months without my body trying to skew my plans for its own – admittedly pleasurable – ends. And that’s when I knew I had it. The perfect plan!
6
Colette, when I told her, was less convinced of my brilliance.
‘Why don’t you just go out with him?’
‘Because I’m too busy and frankly, after the whole debacle with Friedrich, I’m just not sure I want to go through any of that again. I don’t need that in my life. And right now, I need all my focus on work and putting together another application for a leadership position.’
‘A relationship doesn’t stop you being able to do all those things. Not if it’s with the right person.’
‘And you think Finn is the right person?’ I said, my tone suggesting we were definitely not on the same page when it came to this subject.
‘He likes you.’
‘And I like him, but I’m not in the market for a boyfriend right now. But Bella is. Specifically Finn.’
‘But I didn’t think Finn was interested?’
‘He says he isn’t but you’ve seen Bella. And I know he’s noticed her legs.’
‘It’s hard not to notice Bella’s legs,’ Colette added.
