Page 68 of Just Do It
‘There is that I suppose.’ Apparently I wasn’t quite as sobered up yet as I thought I was.
His hand drifted a little lower. ‘I’m having to do everything by touch at the moment.’
‘Something you appear to be rather skilled at.’
‘It’s always good to get practice in though.’
I caught his hand and laid my own on top. ‘I’m serious.’
‘So am I. But yes, I’ll teach you. Just not right now.’
‘Thank you.’ I shuffled, snuggling close, my body moulding to his side, his shoulder acting as my pillow. ‘So Alice wasn’t born deaf? Is that OK to ask?’
‘Of course it’s OK to ask. I didn’t tell you because I’m ashamed of her, or because I want to keep things from you. It’s just the norm for us. But no, she wasn’t. When she was in her last year of university, she contracted bacterial meningitis.’ I felt his body tense as the memories returned.
‘If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.’ My hand reached for his and he wrapped his own around it, lifting it gently to his lips so that he could kiss my fingers.
‘No, sweetheart. It was just a tough time and I still get frustrated that I couldn’t do anything for my little sister.’
‘You’re only human, Finn.’
‘I know. But that knowledge doesn’t help when you know that you’d give anything, do anything, to fix things.’
I moved and kissed his shoulder, understanding the need to want to relieve suffering for someone you cared about. Finn responded, dipping his head to kiss the top of mine.
‘She was OK initially and we just thought she had the flu. Mum and Dad drove over to the university to see her and ended up bringing her back with them. The following night she deteriorated rapidly and Mum noticed the rashes. She got a glass and pressed it against Alice’s skin. When they didn’t disappear, Dad scooped her into his arms and they broke all the speed limits to get her to the hospital.’
‘I can’t even begin to think how frightening it must have been for you all.’
‘Dad rang me and my brother from the hospital and I went and picked Henry up and then we all just sat and waited.’
I remained silent but gave our still joined hands a gentle squeeze. There were no words to say.
‘Eventually Alice came round and, obviously, we were all over the moon. But then we saw this look of confusion on her face. She was just staring at us. For a minute we thought she didn’t know who we were but then she touched her ears, as though she thought there was something in them. When she realised there wasn’t, she started crying. Mum was trying to comfort her but Alice was sobbing her heart out and almost screaming that she couldn’t hear us.’
‘That must have been so much for her, and you all, to deal with.’
‘I think initially they were hoping it might be temporary but they did a whole barrage of tests and came to the conclusion that the damage was permanent.’
He cuddled me closer and I wrapped myself around him as though if I got close enough, I could meld into him and absorb some of the pain. The room was like pitch but the pain in his voice was obvious.
‘Alice had been studying music at university.’
‘Oh God…’
‘Yeah.’ The sadness was palpable. ‘She’s really talented. Wrote all her own music, lyrics, has a beautiful voice to accompany it all. Then, just like that, she couldn’t hear any of it.’
I thought about what to say. ‘I hope this isn’t insensitive, but there have been some deaf musicians, haven’t there?’
‘There have. But Alice wasn’t interested. The music itself was what moved her. What made her tick. What she loved. If she couldn’t do it the way she wanted, she didn’t want to do it at all.’
‘Life is so cruel at times.’ I cast my mind back to a previous conversation with Finn. ‘So that’s what you meant before about life not being fair. You’re right, of course, and I can see now why you were so outspoken about it.’
‘There are examples every day if we take the time to see them.’
‘Yes, I suppose there are. Life is a strange thing.’
‘That it is.’
