Page 95 of Just Do It
‘I know you are. But this isn’t your choice so—’
‘Let’s call it a joint decision,’ I said, my voice now under control, emotions back to being contained as was normal, now that I was well and truly sober.
Finn’s dark features were serious as he met my eyes. ‘Elizabeth…’
‘Would you like anything for the road? A drink, some fruit?’ I made my way into the kitchen.
There was a pause before he answered. ‘No. Thank you.’
‘I’ll let you go and get your things together then.’ With that, I turned my back to him and began pulling a mug out of the cupboard to make myself a hot chocolate. I didn’t want it but it was something to do with my hands, with my mind, rather than thinking about how things had turned from sunshine to storm so quickly. One minute there were signs of a future together, our similarities and differences combining to make the perfectbalance. But in the end it had turned out those differences ran deeper than I had ever suspected and that there was no way to seal the fissures they caused in our relationship.
I took a sip of the warming milk. I couldn’t face the thought of chocolate after all now that my stomach was churning and my head hurt with the effort of keeping all the spinning thoughts inside.
‘I’ll be off then.’
‘OK.’ I made no effort to move from the built-in padded bench in the breakfast nook. In daylight it looked out over the sea and the cliffs but right now, it was a view of nothingness. Something akin to the emptiness I felt as Finn stood on the threshold of my parents’ house. Of my life. ‘Drive carefully.’
‘Right. Yes. Thanks.’
I heard his exhale.
‘Goodbye, Elizabeth.’
‘Bye, Finn.’ I took another sip of my drink. I wasn’t going to let him see me cry. I wasn’t going to show anything. His career was all about building things that would last but he obviously wasn’t as invested in building this relationship and keeping it on track as I’d thought. As I’d let myself become. Inside everything was crumbling to dust but I was determined to keep the façade in place for as long as possible.
The door closed. The engine started and tyres crunched on gravel. A minute later silence returned. I pushed myself up from the nook, walked to the door and turned the key, shooting the bolt afterwards. Then I sat back down, pulling the thick knitted throw nearby over me and lay down, resting my head on one of the cushions and tucking my knees up to my chest. It was only then I let the tears flow until I fell asleep, exhausted and spent.
17
‘Oh, Lizzie! Have you been here all night?’ Mum’s concerned tones broke into my fitful sleep.
I opened my eyes, knowing without the need for a mirror that they were puffy, red and swollen.
‘Oh, Lizzie.’ Mum repeated, her words softer this time. ‘Is Finn still here?’ she asked as I pushed myself upright and shook my head. ‘I’m sure it’s just a little spat. Everything will work out. We all have those from time to time.’
I repeated the head shake, knowing in my heart that it had been so much more than that.
‘He’s gone, Mum. And he’s taking a job in Dubai.’
‘But he’s got to finish the museum one first, hasn’t he?’
‘Yes. I suppose so.’ With all the emotions of last night swimming around, I hadn’t thought about that. A flicker of cautious hope flamed into life. Everything about our relationship had been impulsive. Perhaps it was time we actually sat down and discussed things properly instead of acting hastily.
‘I’m sure once you talk over whatever it is that’s bothering you, you’ll be able to come to a sensible decision. Sometimes these things blow up and in reality, it turns out they’re nothing.You’re clearly very fond of each other. That’s not always easy to find. Finn seems the sensible, grounded type. I can’t imagine he’d throw something as wonderful as a relationship with my beautiful, bright daughter away on a whim.’
It made sense now that I thought about it in the light of day. The storm had passed through in the early hours. I’d woken briefly to the hammering of rain on the windowpanes as the wind whipped the roaring sea into a frenzy close by. But I’d merely closed my eyes and fallen back into an exhausted, fitful sleep. But now the sky was clear, washed clean by the storm. Outside the grass was a bright green, raindrops sparkling on the blades in the watery, winter sunshine. The much-hyped snow storm hadn’t arrived. Everything was clearer. Mum was right. I knew that I meant something to Finn and he meant more than he knew to me. Suddenly I was eager to get back to London.
‘So he just left you here?’ Dad’s face was grave. ‘I mean not that we mind. The longer you’re here the better as far as we’re concerned but it’s hardly very chivalrous!’
I gave a dry laugh. ‘Sadly, chivalry has been dead as long as most of the mummies in our collection, Dad.’
‘It shouldn’t be and from what I saw, I thought Finn was one of those holding out against the barrage of poor manners. Now I’m beginning to wonder.’
‘I think him leaving was the best thing for that moment in time, Dad. Neither of us wanted to put you two in the middle of any more tension.’
‘Oh, don’t worry about us. God knows we’ve seen enough arguments and sniping in our careers as to be almost immune to it all now.’ Mum gave me a smile as she took my hand. ‘We just don’t like seeing you upset. Especially as you seemed so happy when we saw you in London and when you both got here.’
‘I know. And I’m sure it will all be sorted out. Just one of those spats, like you said.’ Mum was right. Nothing could beperfect all the time. We were all individuals, with different views and opinions and feelings. No matter how close you were, no one could agree about everything, all of the time. I’d always doubted those couples who said they’d never had a cross word in decades. If that was truly the case, I was willing to bet there’d been a whole lot of sulking and simmering resentment in place of it.
