Page 115 of Never Too Late
‘No, Tomas. It’s not. He should have told Sasha that your mother would be here just as you should have told me!’
‘If we had, would you have come?’
‘Of course I bloody wouldn’t!’ I snapped back.
He held out his hands as if that were enough reasoning for him to have been correct in his choices.
‘But I should have had a choice. As should Sasha.’
‘Who also wouldn’t have come because of what you’d told her about my mother!’
‘I told her the truth, Tomas! That’s all!’
‘She’s changed. You heard what she said about formalities.’
‘Yes, to a man whom she couldn’t help but approve of.’
‘It’s not just that.’
‘Notjustthat?’
He pushed his fingers back through his hair and let out an exclamation of frustration before blowing out another breath.
‘Please. Come back in. Mama is quite upset.’
It was the final straw.
‘Oh? Is she? Is she upset, Tomas? I’m so sorry. I tell you what. You go back in and comfort your mama. My daughter and I will be on the next train to Paris anyway so all reasons for her being “upset”,’ I made the shapes at him, sarcastic in my hurt, ‘will be swept away from her.’ Anger and snippiness was all I could manage right now. It was either that or let out the wrenching, twisted sob caught in my throat and I was certainly not going to give Tomas, his mother, or any of them the satisfaction of seeing that. It would come, in time, but not yet. Not here.
‘Kitty, there’s no need to be?—’
‘Be what, Tomas? Be upset that you lied? Be upset that I was sostupidto believe I could trust you for a second time? Be upset that I’m now going to be the one to break my daughter’s heart because her boyfriend is also a liar?’
‘Kitty.’ His tone was a warning.
‘You’re right, Tomas. Heisyour son in everything but blood.’
I pushed past him, shivering now, although I wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or sheer rage. His footsteps were close behind me and I cursed his long legs as he caught up to me just inside the doorway.
‘Kitty, wait.’
I spun around. ‘Why, Tomas? Why should I wait? Because this time, you bothered to follow me?’
He stopped a little short of me. ‘What?’
‘I waited for you, Tomas. Do you know that?’ Tears thickened my words. ‘I waited for you to follow me out at that restaurant or at the very least to come round later that evening. To explain what had happened. To apologise for how your mother treated me. But no. You did nothing. So I went home. And I’m going home now.’
‘You said all this was behind us! That none of it mattered now!’
‘And I thought that was true. I was convinced it was but you know what? It still hurts, Tomas. I loved you! I loved you more than…’ My breath hitched. ‘More than anything. And I lost you.’ I shook my head. ‘No. I didn’t lose you. You were taken from me because I wasn’t deemed good enough and that judgement, because it stole so much from me, had consequences for the rest of my life! I was always worried I wouldn’t be good enough so I bent over backwards to try and please everyone. To make them like me! Because the one person I needed to “like” me when I was young didn’t.’ I swiped at my tears. ‘Saying it out loud now… it seems ridiculous but that’s the truth, Tomas. However ridiculous it is.’
Silence, heavy and uncomfortable, settled between us until, eventually, he broke it. ‘But you’re prepared to break your daughter’s heart instead of letting her make her own judgement?’
‘No. Instead of letting Benoit break it.’
‘She’s an adult, Kitty! She’ll make mistakes. We all do! Some of us forgive ourselves and forgive others. That’s the difference.’
I took a step closer until I was practically touching his chest and glared up at him. ‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’
