Page 41 of Never Too Late
The bubbles tickled my nose as I tipped the golden liquid up and took a sip. It was light and smooth with a hint of spring.
‘You like it?’ Ashok asked.
‘Yes, I do.’ I leant over and turned the label towards me as I hadn’t been able to see it when the waiter had shown Ashok. ‘Shit!’ I whispered the expletive. ‘Ashok!’
Quickly, he put his glass down on the crisp, white, linen tablecloth.
‘What is it?’
‘Cristal? You didn’t need to order that! It’s ridiculously pricey!’
He shrugged, picking his glass up by the stem once more. ‘It’s a business expense.’ A smile slid on to his face, hooking itself higher the longer he looked at me.
‘What?’ I asked.
‘Katherine, just drink the damn wine and tell me why you think you made a mistake.’
I paused, let out a sigh and took a big slug of the champagne. Classy, I know. With mortification hovering over me like a cloud, I proceeded to tell him just how dowdy and plain I felt amongst all the beautiful people of Paris.
‘Bollocks.’
‘Pardon?’
‘Bollocks. You have your own style. You don’t need to follow and copy anyone else.’
‘It’s not that. My style is… I don’t even know! It’s… mumsy!’
Ashok looked at me. ‘I don’t really know what that means.’
‘Old-fashioned. Dull.’ I thought again. ‘Boring.’
A waiter, noticing our glasses were getting low, began to move towards us but Ashok subtly waved him off, then topped up my glass while I pondered, our conversation unhindered by interruption. ‘I was always so interested in fashion and style. I never followed it slavishly but I enjoyed it, if that makes sense.’
He nodded agreement as he concentrated on pouring his own glass. The bottle made a satisfying crunch as it settled back into the crushed ice of the bucket.
I continued on. ‘What we were saying earlier about having changed in the last few decades, of course that’s happened but aren’t you supposed to get to know yourself better as you age? If I’m honest, I feel like the older I’ve got, the less I know who I am. When I was here before, I felt, I don’t know, stronger, I guess. I knew what I wanted, what I was going to do with my life.’
‘I think that changes for many of us. I was convinced I was going to be a train driver on the Toy Train, hauling carriages up the Himalayas.’
‘Really?’
‘Oh, yeah. Absolute dream job.’
‘I don’t think you’d be sipping Cristal on those wages.’
‘That is also true. Compensation for sitting in an office instead of behind an engine. So you don’t feel you know who you are now?’
I looked past his shoulder. It felt stupid to say it out loud now, even to someone who was as close a friend as he was.
‘The truth is, I feel like a nobody. Like I’m invisible.’
‘You’re not invisible, Katherine. It’s rather more that others don’t see, and that’s their fault.’
‘Hmm.’ I took another sip. ‘When I came back into the apartment yesterday, Sash was filming. She turned the camera on me. I got a bit grumpy and asked her not to film me. I told her I didn’t want to be in any of her vlogs.’ I sipped my drink as I got the words right in my head. ‘She, quite rightly, pointed out that I’d appeared in some before, which I have. Hugh and I both. But those were special occasions and I’d done my hair and make-up and so on. It was the best version of me and to be honest, that’s not even that special.’
‘Don’t.’ Ashok’s voice was sharp and I snapped my attention back from where it had been wandering, surfing the décor behind him.
‘What?’
