Page 75 of Never Too Late
‘Definitely!’ I reassured her. ‘Shall we go in?’
I’d chosen to wear one of the skirts I’d got when shopping with Gabby recently and it was amazing how much it had boosted my confidence, walking in here. I’d thought about what Reine had said at the gallery, about what I wanted from life now. Most of that was still a bit blurry but something I had decided was that I wanted my love of getting dressed back. I no longer wanted to pull on just what was comfortable or easy. I’d always loved making conscious decisions about what I wore. Somewhere along the line, that had fallen away but I knew now that was step one of finding ‘me’ again. I’d also been to the place Gabby had recommended for my brows and those too were now looking, if not quite as fabulous as hers due to some ill-advised overplucking years ago, then certainly well on the way.
Today, I’d chosen a midi denim skirt which I’d paired with a white, cashmere boatneck jumper, the slouchiness of which made it sit to the side, shoulder on show. I’d debated about the wisdom of wearing white to dinner and settled that by resolving to not order anything tomatoey. After years of wearing leggings and t-shirts – Gabby had had to sit down for a moment after this revelation – I was still a work in progress. But that was the key word: progress.
The off-the-shoulder thing was taking a little getting used to. Underwear had been another dilemma. I was still far from rediscovering the air of nonchalance I’d had about that aspect of my dress when I was in my twenties so going braless, especially under a white top, wasn’t an option I was prepared for yet. If at all. Instead, I’d compromised with a thin, silk chemise underneath, the ribbon strap of it showing as the jumper slouched.
Gabby ran her eyes over my outfit. ‘You look fabulous,ma chérie.’
‘Thanks to her,’ I noted to Reine.
‘Pas de tout!’ Gabby waved her hand. ‘I merely went along for the company. All the choices were yours.’
‘I love this outfit,’ Reine said as I sat down beside her in the curved corner banquette. ‘Do shuffle up. My hearing isn’t always what it once was and it’s far easier to gossip about people when your companions are closer.’
She flashed a wicked grin as Gabby and I duly shuffled along the gold velvet.
‘Is this new?’ She touched the soft cashmere.
‘It’s all new, if I’m honest,’ I replied, fiddling with the shoulder again.
‘It will look even better if you stop fussing with it,’ Reine teased and Gabby grinned.
I dropped my hand.
‘Gabby showed me some photos of you all, back in the day, didn’t you?’
Gabby nodded as she ordered us champagne.
‘Oh, crikey.’ I pulled a face.
‘Not at all. The woman in those photos, where is she now?’
I huffed out some air. ‘Buried under a lot of years, motherhood and, I suppose, the mundanities of life. Or perhaps she was just replaced with reality.’
‘We make our own reality, Kitty.’
I wasn’t sure if I agreed with that but I was unwilling to challenge such a new friend. Gabby merely gave me a flick of her eyebrows, waiting to see what I’d say. I stayed silent.
‘You disagree.’ Reine was smiling, her words phrased not as a question, but a statement.
‘It’s not that I disagree as such…’
Reine gave a delicate head tilt, encouraging me to go on.
‘I suppose I’d like to believe that we make our own fate but I’m not sure that I can. When I was here before, I was having the best time with big plans and then I got my heart broken and it all fell to pieces.’
‘Perhaps those weren’t the best plans for you?’
I gave a shrug and what felt like a sad smile. ‘I’d have liked to have been given the chance to decide for myself.’
‘I can understand that. So do you feel your life has been wasted?’
‘No! Not at all. And if things had gone differently, I wouldn’t have Sash.’ I shrugged. ‘I suppose I feel like now that she’s grown, I’m not sure what my role is any more. Especially now I’m divorced.’
‘You don’t have to be “somebody’s something” to have a role,ma chérie! I do understand, though. When I lost my husband several years ago, there was a time I didn’t know what to do with myself. We’d always done everything together – because we wanted to, you understand. But one day, I was lying in bed long past the time we’d normally have been up and about and I just thought, what am I doing? Why am I wasting the day, my life, like this? And I thought how upset my darling husband would be to have seen me like that. And you are decades younger than me! You have all this time now, for yourself! This is a time for you to have the starring role in your own life!’ She threw out her arms like a diva and laughed.
‘Bravo!’ Gabby agreed, giving a few small, elegant claps.
