Page 85 of Never Too Late
He put down his espresso cup, the treacly liquid he preferred still looking as unappealing as it had thirty years ago.
‘I didn’t say you should only read in English. I asked if you wanted to go. The café there is quite cute. I think Sasha would like it too. It is, what do they call it? “Highly Instagrammable”.’
‘Oh. I see. Right. Thank you.’
He’d been correct, of course, and Sasha had filmed there as part of a vlog which had been super popular with her viewers.
After disappearing into the world of Hartfield for another half an hour, I checked my watch, packed up my book and wandered through the gardens to meet Tomas for coffee as arranged.
I showed him the book once I’d joined him on the comfy sofa he’d bagged.
‘I’m glad you and Sasha enjoyed the café. I watched her vlog. I hope that you don’t think me suggesting the place was any sort of criticism of your language skills. You know I don’t – and never did – think they were anything less than excellent.’
The unspoken allusion to the fact that his mother had felt otherwise was acknowledged. And accepted.
‘I should have stood up for you that day when my mother dismissed them. And you.’
‘Tomas…’
After spending time with Christophe, laughing and learning, I was reluctant to spoil the wonderful, joyful day by returning to the conversation Tomas had begun earlier in the day at the vineyard, and he’d been kind enough to allow that. But today, it seemed, he was determined to resurrect the subject.
‘Please, Kitty. We need to talk about this.’
‘Why, Tomas? It was all a very long time ago and going over old ground now won’t change anything.’
‘But that day did change everything! Don’t you see?’
‘I know it did.’ I did my best to keep my emotions more level than Tomas was managing. ‘But who’s to say something else wouldn’t have come along that?—’
‘I say!’ Tomas said, the effort of keeping his voice low in deference to our fellow café goers showed in the tense tone. ‘Kitty, I never got to apologise to you. And you deserved that, at the very least. You deserved so much more. I wanted to give you so much more and I was a coward. A weak, pathetic coward who bent to the whims of my mother instead of defending the woman I loved.’
‘Tomas.’
‘I know what you’re going to say. That it was all a long time ago, another lifetime.’
He was right.
‘But I’ve spent this lifetime regretting that day.’
‘Then I’m truly sorry for that.’
He studied my face. ‘You haven’t?’
I let out a short laugh. ‘I had a baby, Tomas. It felt like I didn’t have time to shower for about six months, let alone have any thoughts of regret for what might have been before.’
‘No. Of course.’ He shook his head. ‘And please don’t think I am wishing that you regretted becoming a mother to Sasha. Anyone can see the love between you.’
‘No. I don’t regret that. I could never regret her.’ I looked down at my hands, laced tightly now in my lap. ‘But no, what I said before… that’s not true. Obviously, a new baby took up all of my time and energy but I still thought about you. Missed you. Tomas, how could I not? We made plans, talked about our future and then suddenly, everything changed. My whole life, the life I thought I’d have, changed in an instant. It was hard not to wonder what I’d done wrong…’
‘You didn’t do anything wrong, Kitty. Please don’t ever think that.’ His hand covered mine as I looked up, met his eyes, tears in both of ours.
He glanced to the side, towards the window, but his focus looked somewhere far past that. ‘You’re right. It was stupid of me to bring this up.’
I laid my hand over his. ‘I never said that it, or you, were stupid, Tomas. And I never would.’
‘Even though I was?’ His gaze snapped back to mine and hooked onto it. ‘I let you go, Kitty. You were everything I wanted and I let you go.’
I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing but my heart squeezed in my chest. Tomas had been everything I wanted too and I’d seen us together forever until that day in the restaurant. But it wasn’t that simple. How could I regret losing him when I had gained my daughter instead?
