Page 118 of Never Too Late
She flickered a smile and I was surprised to see the insecurity there.
‘When we met before, I was unforgivably rude. Which is why, although you have been kind enough to stay and listen, I do not expect forgiveness. However, I do not wish to go to my grave?—’
‘Mama!’ Tomas interceded.
Madame Bertholle waved her hand, amusement softening her features. ‘Ah, Tomas.’ She leant forward in a conspiratorial manner. ‘He does worry so.’ There was a pause as she straightened, the ramrod-straight back still in play. I couldn’t help but admire that she’d kept her excellent posture. ‘And I know I am exceptionally lucky that he does. Lucky that either of my children even speak to me, let alone care, after how I behaved. Neither of them spoke to me for some time after that day. Did you know that?’
I glanced at Tomas but he was looking down at his hands.
‘Yes.’ My voice came out as a croak and I cleared my throat. ‘Tomas told me. I’m sorry for that.’
Madame Bertholle’s eyes widened in astonishment. ‘Kitty, darling girl.’ She shook her head. ‘Why should you be sorry? You did nothing but try to please me. You wore my daughter’s dress, despite it not being your style. It wasn’t even Gabrielle’s style but she would also wear it just to please me.’ She adjusted her position and a wince of pain marred her expression for a moment.
‘Are you all right?’ My question was automatic.
‘I’m fine. I’m old, that’s all.’
‘I only hope I look as good as you when I’m older.’ Sash, sitting near us both, spoke.
Madame Bertholle smiled and laid her hand, wrinkled, with a light-brown sunspot near the wrist, over the top, contrasting with Sash’s pale, youthful one.
‘That’s very kind of you, Sasha.’ She looked back to me. ‘Your daughter is a credit to you. Talented, kind and beautiful,’ she said as she turned back to Sasha. Her hand lifted to my child’s cheek. ‘But remember, my dear, looks are not everything. It is what is in the heart that counts. Although, from the short acquaintance I have had with you tonight, and from the many stories I have heard from Benoit, I think yourmamanhas already instilled that in you.’
I gave a small tilt of my head as Madame Bertholle focused her attention back on me. ‘I tried my best.’
‘As you did on that day. And the truth was, you were a delight.’
Inner Me had just staggered to her feet. At this, she went down again, out for the count.
For a moment, I was silent. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me and then the laughter burst out. Unexpected and taking us both a little by surprise. ‘You could have fooled me!’ I said, genuinely amused.
She returned a smile but hers was shaded with embarrassment. ‘That was rather the point, I’m afraid.’ A deep breath, followed by a sigh. ‘I was so arrogant back then. How I had any friends, I don’t know. Although perhaps I didn’t. And that was all deserved.’
‘Madame Bertholle, you really don’t have to?—’
But she held up her hand. ‘I do. For you, for my children,’ she glanced at Sasha, ‘for your child, and for me.’ Her bright eyes hooked onto mine and I saw the pain in them. ‘Please.’
I nodded my acceptance.
‘I had such great plans for my children. Expectations. But what right did I have to choose what they did with their precious lives? To dictate who they loved and see off anyone I deemed “unworthy”?’
The word stung, even now.
She saw. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s fine. It was a long time ago.’ The response, even after all I had said to Tomas, was automatic.
‘And yet it still hurts. I know. And I am truly sorry. Tomas has never stopped loving you. Every day he’s lived without you was because of me.’
‘Maman, this is all irrelevant now.’ Tomas stepped forward.
‘Is it, my darling?’ She turned back to me. ‘I separated him from the love of his life and he thinks it’s irrelevant.’
‘I think what he means is that we have both lived other lives.’
‘You did. And I hope you were happy.’ She turned to Sasha. ‘I can only imagine the joy that this child brought into your life.’
‘Most days,’ I teased, giving Sasha a wink. Her jaw was tight with anxiety but at this, I saw it relax.
