Page 18 of Gay for Pay
“Okay, so, don’t get pissy, but I have to ask. Are you sure you have feelings for this guy? Or are you maybe having difficulty separating business and pleasure?” Michael kept his tone neutral.
Chris snorted. “Yeah, Michael, I’m sure. I’ve spent the last month trying to convince myself Ididn’tfeel that way about Linc…for a guy…but I can’t anymore. I just feel like this is right, you know, like I have to tell him how I feel and see where the pieces fall. I guess I wanted to hear your opinion first. And just FYI, there has been no mixing pleasure with business, yet.”
Michael laughed. “Well, you don’t do anything small, do you? Not only a guy—but a gay porn star, no less.”
“Yeah, well, you know me. Go big or go home, right?” Chris joked.
“In all seriousness, Christopher, I love you, you’re my best friend, and all I’ve ever wanted was for you to put the past behind you and find someone you could be happy with. Someone to make you smile again the way Amanda did. And if it’s this guy, this Linc, then fuck it all and go for it, sweetie.” They talked for a few more minutes, Michael gushing about their cruise, before Chris apologized once more for waking him and they said good-bye. After hanging up, he showered and headed downstairs in search of coffee and Linc.
Coffee came first. Chris grabbed and filled one of Mattie’s large soup mugs before he went out to the porch, taking a seat on the bottom step, leaning back and closing his eyes, soaking in the sun on his face, the breeze that brushed his hair, and the sounds of the water hitting the rocks below him. The all too familiar sound of the screen door slamming shut told Chris that he was no longer alone. Blinking, he looked up into Linc’s beautiful brown eyes, all the frustration and anger from the day before gone.
“Well, you look happy this morning. You really had me worried last night, Chris. Why did you shut me out like that?” Linc sat on the step beside him, he sounded truly hurt.
“Oh God, Linc, it’s not you.”
Linc cut him off with a snort. “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ve heard that one before. It’s not you, it’s me, so…”
Chris covered Linc’s mouth with his hand, instantly remembering the way Linc’s lips felt on his.Oh Lord, not now, save that for later, you perv!“Let me talk for a minute before you go off on me, okay?” Chris could see the trepidation in Linc’s gaze before he nodded.
“We could sit here all day and act like we’re living in a cheesy romance novel full of angst and miscommunication. But that’s not how I roll, Linc. There are no sparkly vampires here, well, okay maybe one, but seriously…neither of us is going to play the girl in a relationship, so let’s go ahead and skip all the tiptoeing, tap-dancing bullshit and get right to the point.” Chris took a breath while Linc stared at him like he’d lost his damn mind.
Laughing softly, Chris continued, “Did I freak out when you kissed me? Yes, I did. But it wasn’t because I didn’t want you to kiss me, Linc, because I really did, and I really liked it at first. But then I thought about Amanda and that guy that was banging you in the bathroom the other night and I got really confused.”
“Wait, what? What guy and what bathroom?” Linc looked utterly confused. “And vampires—we seriously need to have a discussion about the books you read and the movies you watch, but first, what the fuck are you talking about? Who do you think was banging me in the bathroom?”
Chris’s brow creased in confusion. “Last weekend at the bar, I thought…you and the big guy.”
Linc threw his head back and laughed. “Did you not hear me the next morning when I came to your place? Your night turned out better than mine. We can talk about bathroom sex and sparkly vampires later. Focus for me.…Let’s talk about the part where you said you wanted me to kiss you and go from there.”
“Okay, then shut up and let me talk.” Chris took a moment to focus on exactly what he wanted to say. He suddenly felt like he was walking a tightrope, one wrong word and…splat!Reaching for Linc’s hands, he squeezed tight and focused on the concrete steps. He didn’t think he could look Linc in the eyes and say what he needed to.Just lay it all out there and see where the pieces fall, right?
“I loved Amanda with all my heart, and when she died she took a piece of my soul with her. Hell Linc, it wrecked me, knowing she was dead because of me. If it hadn’t been for Michael—he’s my best friend—and his family, I don’t know what I would have done, where I’d be. It was like…she’s not here and that’s because of me, so I should spend my life miserable and alone. I guess you could say I thought that was the penance for my crime.” He rubbed his thumb over Linc’s wrist, taking a second to breathe.
“But then I met you, and these feelings I’d only ever felt with her bloomed and started growing. The more time I spent with you, the stronger those feelings became, and it was confusing, even a little bit terrifying. I thought I was betraying her on some level, and I didn’t deserve to be happy after what I did. I…” He sucked in a ragged breath, angrily wiping his eyes with the shoulder of his shirt.
“Hey, look at me,” Linc prodded. Chris expected to see the anger and disgust that every-fucking-body back home glared at him with after the accident. When he lifted his head and his gaze met Linc’s, all he saw was tenderness and concern. “It’s okay Chris, I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.”
Chris pulled Linc into his arms, hugging him tightly. “Thank you.”
He would have been content to sit there holding on to Linc all day, but the man pulled away. “All right, you were saying?”
Good lord, Linc was quite possibly the most patient person he’d ever met. Chris took a few deep breaths and, keeping his head up, he talkedtoLinc, notathim. “I don’t know exactly when I started seeing you as something more than a friend. Maybe I’ve been attracted to you from the start and I just didn’t want to accept those feelings then. But that night at The Monster, that guy had his hands all over you and I was fuming, but I didn’t fully comprehend why. I’ve always considered myself to be straight, but since coming here and opening myself up to other possibilities, seeing the life Victor, Andrew, and Mattie lead and how in love and happy they are, it’s made me question myself and where I want to be, who I want to be with.” Chris groaned, running his fingers through his hair and fisting the too-long strands in his grasp.
Just spit it out, you fucking coward! Tell him you want, no, need him.Chris really wished his subconscious was an actual person, so he could beat it to death. “I care about you, Linc.” He whispered.
“I’m scared too, Chris. It’s hard for me to trust anyone with my heart after my ex. But as hesitant as I am to open up and let you in, I know that I have to. Honestly, I think I already have. When you ran away from me yesterday it hurt, Chris, I won’t lie. But being here with you right now, you opening up and sharing all your feelings with me makes me think that whatever this thing is between us deserves an honest effort on our parts to see where it goes.” Linc pulled him closer, moving their joined hands to his side, unwrapping his fingers so that Chris’s hands rested on his hips. He reached for Chris’s face, cupping his cheeks, and Chris could feel the warmth in Linc’s touch. Unhurriedly, Linc leaned closer, his eyes focused on Chris’s mouth.
Chris’s eyelids fluttered shut, and he waited for the soft touch of Linc’s lips on his. The kiss was gentle and hesitant at first, much like the kiss the day before. But when Linc’s tongue darted out and swiped his bottom lip, Chris eagerly accepted. Linc’s arms wrapped around his neck and he moaned. Chris held him in place by the nape of the neck, angling his head and deepening the kiss. A throat cleared, and Chris already knew who it was before he even opened his eyes.
“Really boys, if you’re going to fuck each other out here on the porch, wake me first, I’ll grab the camera,” Andrew joked.
“They better not—they have shoot tomorrow!” Victor’s loud voice boomed through the open kitchen door, followed closely by raucous laughter. Chris turned to see who it was, and there in the doorway stood Andrew with Mattie’s and Jordan’s heads peeking out at them, bodies hidden by the doorframe. With their wide eyes and shit-eating grins, they looked like cartoon characters.
Chris turned back to Linc. “Well, I guess it’s a moot point to suggest we keep this on the down-low until we figure out where it’s going.”
Linc laughed. “Yeah, you’ll soon figure out that there are no secrets inside these walls. Even the windows have ears.”
They stood to follow Andrew and the giggling twosome into the house, but Chris paused for a minute at the bottom of the stairs. His life was about to change, irrevocably. He thought after the accident that he would never be whole again, but meeting Linc changed that perspective. Not to mention this motley crew of men that accepted him into their family without question.
