Page 67 of Rock & Roll Nights: The Lila and Rivers Edit
He turned and left through the door behind him before I could fully understand what he’d just said, and by the time I’d processed it all the door had closed behind him, shutting him off from the party—and for all I knew, the only people who cared about him—and leaving us all staring after him, our tongues tied and our hearts breaking.
35
LILA
Ididn’t follow him.
I know, the mind boggles. I’d spent most of the time I’d known Rivers Shine chasing after him and basically throwing my heart at him. Any time he left, I ran after him to try to figure out what was wrong with him—or to see if there was anything I could do. I’d taken one look at this guy and known that he needed someone to actually see who he was rather than who he was presenting to the world. I’d seen a lost boy who needed love rather than the tattooed, brooding rock star that the world loved to fear.
And it hadn’t done me any good. He might have welcomed me into his arms, but he’d pushed me out again almost as quickly, and though he’d given me a glimpse or two of what lay behind his mask, he’d never actually let me all the way in.
He might have just made the most insane announcement ever and essentially thrown his whole career to the wolves. Everyone in here was reeling from what he’d said. But I didn’t think running after him was going to fix any of that.
I had a better idea.
I whirled from the door, my eyes jumping through the crowd until I found Matt. I knew enough to know that Rivers called his bandmates his best friends and that they’d known each other forever. I also knew that out of everyone in his band, Matt was the one who scared me the least. He was a cinnamon roll in human clothing and was already in love with my best friend. He didn’t look like he might chew on nails in his spare time. He had a couple of tattoos but nothing like what Noah and Hudson had.
He was the one I could go to for help.
I found him quickly, his dark hair standing out from a crowd of blondies, and I started for him. He’d left Anna alone and was now at the drinks table pouring himself something, his eyes on the door Rivers had just gone through. He looked thoughtful and concerned, but like he wasn’t going to go after Rivers anytime soon. In fact, he looked like a guy who’d seen this before and was trying to figure out the best way to handle it.
“Matt,” I said the moment I drew even with him.
His eyes dropped to me and widened. “Lila,” he said hesitantly.
I put a hand in the middle of his chest and pushed, backing him right up to the wall on the other side of the table. This increased the surprise on his face, but he didn’t fight me. Instead, I saw his mouth relaxing, like he already knew what this was going to be about and wasn’t surprised.
“What the fuck is going on with your friend?” I asked, refusing to mince words.
At that, the surprise jumped back onto his face. He’d probably never realized that I knew how to cuss, I thought with a flash of humor. Hell, maybe he thought I’d never cussed before in my life.
But that was because he’d never heard me fighting for someone I cared about.
“What do you mean?”
I narrowed my eyes and shoved him a bit. “You know exactly what I mean. What’s going on with Rivers? Why was he all smirks and flirting last week and now suddenly he’s in full-on heartbreak mode? What happened to him? And what does it have to do with Missouri?”
His own eyes narrowed then, and I knew I had his attention.
“He told you about Missouri?”
“He told me his mood had something to do with Missouri. And something that reminded him that he wasn’t worth anyone’s time. He made it sound like this was the worst place on Earth. I want to know what’s going on.”
“Why do you care?”
I got as close to him as I could and stared up into his eyes. “Because I care abouthim. I want to know how to fix whatever’s wrong.”
It was a bold, very blunt statement, and the moment I made it I wondered if it was the wrong thing to say. I’d only known Rivers for a couple weeks, and he’d spent a lot of that time pushing me away or proving that he didn’t think he deserved to have people who cared about him. He’d spent even more time pretending that he didn’t like me as much as I liked him. Pulling me close and then throwing me out.
Wanting me and then pushing me away again.
And I didn’t care. I mean, I did. I cared a lot. I felt like my heart had been through a freaking war since I met Rivers. But that didn’t mean I was ready to stop fighting for him. I’d seen something deep and wounded inside those eyes, and I’d never been able to turn away from a wounded animal. I wanted to know what—or who—had hurt him so badly, and I wanted to know whether I could pull him back up again.
And no, it didn’t have anything to do with the contract Taylor was holding over my head or the fake relationship. The publicityor the idea that I might have a career on the horizon. It didn’t have a single thing to do with any of that.
It was only about Rivers. It was about the glimpses I’d seen of who I thought he might actually be, and the idea that I might be the only one who could see that.
Rivers Shine deserved to be saved. Even if I had to tie him up and force him to let me do it.
