Page 73 of Rock & Roll Nights: The Lila and Rivers Edit
“Thank you, Baby Jesus,” I whispered, clicking on it.
Dear Lila, it read,thank you for your inquiry. As it happens, we did have a Rivers Shine in our home around the timelines you’ve noted. We had him from when he was three until he turned twelve and left for Nashville. He was in and out of a number of foster homes, but I think I can tell you that he was not an affectionate or kind child. He didn’t fit any of the families who tried to take him and they inevitably returned him with complaints about his behavior. He did not make friends easily and was never a candidate for adoption. He left without asking permission but told his friends where he was going. We do not know of any forwarding address for him.
I sat back and considered the terse email for several moments. Well, there it was. I’d learned the name of the orphanage from Matt and emailed them immediately, but hadn’texpected much in the way of a response. They’d sent me more than I’d thought they would.
I suspected they were also violating a range of privacy laws with how much information they’d already given me.
But as long as they were willing to violate them, I was going to ask for more. If he was turned over to a Jonesboro orphanage at the age of three, it stood to reason that this was why he hated Missouri so much. It was where everything had started. His life, and then the end of his time with his family. And, if I was reading this email right, everything that happened to him after that. This was where his demons were.
The demons who told him he didn’t belong, and that no one would ever care about him the way he cared about them.
This was where it had all kicked off.
I hesitated for another moment, wondering if I was going too far. Was I overstepping the boundaries of our relationship? Pushing too close to the truth? Would he hate me for doing it?
Or would he finally get the closure he needed to heal and move on with his life?
I didn’t know. I had no fucking idea what was right or wrong here, or where my head was at. But I did know that Rivers deserved more than he’d been given, and I might be the only person in the world willing to do something about it.
So I started typing out a response, thanking them for answering and asking whether they knew anything more. Anything that I might be able to use to help Rivers destroy the demons that had been holding him at bay for far, far too long.
39
RIVERS
Icrowded onto the bus with the rest of the band, despite the fact that I’d told them I was going to leave, because until the paperwork from my lawyer came through, I was still officially on the tour. I also didn’t want to let the guys down and leave them in a bad way for the next show, which was booked for tonight.
Leaving the tour was still the right thing to do. But taking care of my band—my best friends—was, as well. We’d spent too long watching each other’s backs for me to leave them high and dry now. I might be a bad boy and a rebel. That didn’t mean I was going to fuck my friends over. I figured I’d told them about my plans, and that was about all I could do for the moment. They had time to figure out what they were going to do—probably wrap Lila and Anna into the band, if they were smart—and how they were going to do it.
Until then, I’d be there to support them.
Once it was done, though, I was on my way out. I had a cabin in the hills around Knoxville where I was planning to hole up for a bit, a bank account big enough to support me through any break I might take, and... Well, I didn’t have a plan. I didn’thave one fucking clue what I was going to do now that I’d started down this road. But I figured that was what the cabin was for.
Sitting around by myself and deciding what my next step was.
I shied away from that thought as quickly as I’d had it, hating the idea of spending so much time with no one but myself and my thoughts for company, and dropped onto my favorite couch in the bus. Everyone else was already here: Matt, Noah, Hudson, Molly, Lila, and Anna. Those two had been included on our bus ever since they started performing with us, and I grinned to see Lila lounging in a chair, sunglasses over her face and her hair in a messy bun. She looked like the epitome of a rock star; carelessly elegant, like she’d just rolled out of bed looking all rock and roll. I was guessing she’d paused at least long enough to make sure she knew where we were going and what we were doing, though, and probably had her guitar stowed somewhere on the bus in case she wanted to write a song.
That was just who Lila was.
Anna, on the other hand, looked anything but messy. Her hair was neat and tidy, her eyeliner perfect, and she was writing in a journal like it was her freaking job. I didn’t think that girl knew how to take breaks. She was probably always planning something in her brain, getting ready for the next step.
She’d be perfect for Matt, who usually couldn’t keep track of both of his shoes.
If they made it work. I hadn’t asked him what was going on between them—didn’t really have time for anything but my own problems right now—and I wondered again if I should. Especially if I was going to be leaving the tour. I’d always been closer to Matt than the other guys, and a wave of guilt washed over me at the fact that I hadn’t even bothered to inquire about a girl he obviously found special.
Then again, I was a big enough jackass that I guess I should have expected it of myself. I’d go to the mats for Matt—for any of them—but I’d never been the one taking them chicken noodle soup when they were sick. It just wasn’t me. I didn’t know how to care for myself, much less other people.
One of Taylor’s assistants came around then, handing papers out to everyone, and I took mine and glanced at it. The truth was, I already knew what it was going to be. We’d run through the cities we’d already prepped for, which meant this was a new list of destinations.
I already knew what I’d see.
That didn’t make it any better.
Jonesboro was at the top of the list, right there above Kansas City. We were in the section of the tour where we hit the big cities, evidently. Not that I’d see any of that.
I’d thought we were still a couple stops away from Jonesboro, which was why I’d thought I could stick around for a couple more shows to support the band. I figured we had one or two small towns to get through before we hit the towering buildings and lights of Jonesboro.
The trailer parks on the outskirts of town.
