Page 56 of Rock & Roll Nights: The Lila and Rivers Edit
“We all have those voices. You know that, right? It doesn’t mean they’re telling the truth.”
“I’m afraid these ones are.”
“Why?” My voice cracked on the word, but I didn’t apologize for that. I hadn’t come out here to have this sort of conversation, and the sudden tension in the air—the emotion charging the man underneath me—felt like it was going to crack me in half.
His hands came up to cup my jaw and he stared at me so intently that I nearlydidbreak.
“Because I grew up not far from here, and it’s bringing back a whole lot of memories that remind me of exactly who I am. Memories that make me think I’m not good. But that’s not your problem, Sunshine Girl. Let’s get you inside before all that sunshine in you dims.”
He started to stand, but I put a hand on his chest to stop him. “At some point, Rivers, I’m going to make you tell me who hurt you so badly.”
He gazed at me, his eyes so fathomless I could hardly look into them. But instead of answering immediately, he leaned forward and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to my mouth. I melted into him, wanting to slide my hands up around his neck and hold him there. Wanting this to be the moment when we finally reconnected.
And, as if I’d wished it into being, it did. The kiss went from being chaste and simple to being hot.Moltenhot. His fingertips grew firm on my skin, tilting my head, and his tongue sweptinto my mouth. Bold. Possessive. Like he had every right to do whatever he wanted with me.
And God, I wanted that. I wanted him to take me and throw me on the ground so he could have his way with me. I wanted him out here under the stars, both of us naked to the sky and twined together like we didn’t care who could see us.
I shuddered at the thought, my body humming with electricity, and he pushed up against me in response, his cock hard and needy in his pants. I groaned into his mouth, drawn tight as a bowstring with need.
He pulled back, then slid his lips down the column of my throat. “Lila,” he murmured against me.
His voice made the shuddering even worse. I was going to come apart right here in his lap, fully clothed. He was going to push me all the way to orgasm with nothing but his lips and voice, and fucking hell, I was here for it.
Who the hell was this girl, I wondered dimly. This wasn’t me. I was never this reckless.
Then again, I’d never been with Rivers before this tour. He was definitely a bad influence on me. He made me feel things I’d never felt. Think things I’d never thought. And want things I knew I shouldn’t want.
One more thrust of his hips, and then he was pulling back and taking his heat with him.
“Someday, Lila, I’ll tell you everything. But not tonight. Come on. It’s past your bedtime and I’m guessing Anna will skin me alive if she finds out I had you out so late on a school night.”
He stood, lifting me with him, and started walking back toward the hotel. I clung to him, unwilling to let him—or the moment—go, and let my mind trail through what he’d just said.
At some point, he said, he’d tell me what was going on. Which meant I just needed to figure out how to make thathappen. Hopefully before he succeeded in destroying himself over whatever darkness he thought he had in his soul.
Because that part? The idea that he wasn’t any good, or that he deserved to be alone?
Yeah, I wasn’t buying it. And I wasn’t going to let him buy it, either.
29
RIVERS
Ireturned Lila to her bedroom like the gentleman I had definitely never been, apologized to Anna when she opened the door glaring at me like she knew exactly who I was—a devil in human clothing—and then turned and went to my room without looking to the left or right. I didn’t want to see anyone else. I definitely didn’t want to spend any time talking to another person.
I wanted to get back to my room with my hand still warm from Lila’s and her memory coloring all of my thoughts. I wanted to climb into my bed with the teddy bear no one in the entire world knew about and spread Lila through my brain like honey butter, letting her coat every thought and dream in my head.
In truth, I wanted her in my bed with me, her skin pressed against mine and her moans in my ear as I slid into her and showed her exactly how much I adored her. I wanted to hear her laugh at one of my jokes, see that shy smile when I made her feel too much, watch her blush when I got too close to the truth with one of my guesses. I wanted to drink her sunshine down until I was glowing with it.
But I wasn’t the kind of man who got to glow. And I definitely couldn’t take her to bed with me right now. Not when Taylor was trying so hard to make Lila her new pet project. The last thing Lila—or Taylor—needed was me muddying the waters in that regard. Lila and I were pretending to be a couple, and that was all there was to it. Anything more was dangerous.
And I wasn’t going to put Lila in danger.
I also wasn’t going to lead her on in regard to my intentions. She deserved someone who would be there for her every step of the way, supporting her on the bad days and celebrating with her on the days when she did something amazing. I wanted to be that man. I would have sold my pathetic, black soul to be that man.
But I wasn’t, and my soul probably wasn’t worth more than five measly pennies at this point.
So for tonight, I’d use the memory of her smile as a balm to my soul. I’d fall asleep to the echo of her laughter and the brush of her lips across my own. I’d let myself have the much, at least.
