Page 78 of Rock & Roll Nights: The Lila and Rivers Edit
“Rivers, you were a kid. Those adults were hurting you. You weren’t to blame for trying to get away from them.”
The tears I’d been holding back finally came to my eyes and I leaned into her touch. “They broke my soul, Lila. And I’ve never been able to put it back together. I’ve never belonged anywhere or to anyone. I’m half a person. No one would want that. No one needs that in their life. I break everything I touch.”
She reached out and pulled me into her lap, pushing my head against her chest and shushing me. Her fingers raked through my hair and she began to massage my scalp, the movements easy and soothing, and I found myself relaxing into her like a child.
Like someone who had finally found a safe landing place.
“You’re not broken, Rivers. You’re lost. There’s a difference.”
God, I wished she was right. I wished I could sit here in her arms for the rest of my life, letting her tell me sweet things and pretending they were right. I wished I’d known her a whole lot longer, and that I’d had someone like her in my life when I was in the midst of breaking.
I wished I deserved someone like her.
I knew I didn’t, of course.
But for tonight I was going to try to forget about that. I had a whole lifetime ahead of me to deal with the monsters in my brain. For tonight, for just a little bit longer, I was going to let Lila Potter chase them away and tell me it was all going to be all right.
42
LILA
The next morning came way too quickly.
Rivers and I had been out in that deserted lot for hours, talking about what he’d been through and how it had broken him, and by the time we came back to the hotel the sun had already been getting close to making its return trip into the sky. I’d dropped him at his room after making him promise that he wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything without talking to me first and had made my way back to my room to see that it was nearly four in the morning.
And then remember that I had a meeting with Taylor at eight.
I’d crawled into bed with a quick glance at Anna—asleep, thank God—and had fallen asleep almost immediately.
And now I was awake and had, according to my clock, half an hour to make myself presentable before I had to go do the mental gymnastics it always took to have a conversation with Taylor James.
God, I hoped she didn’t expect too much of me today. And I hoped Anna was going to be in this meeting to do most of the talking.
* * *
“I’m dropping Rivers,” she said before I sat down.
Anna wasn’t here. And evidently this meeting was going to take just as many mental gymnastics as the last one.
“I thought you’d already decided about that,” I said, pulling my coffee cup toward me and taking a quick, hot sip.
“I wasn’t sure, honestly, but now that he’s leaving the band there’s no reason to keep him. Nothing left to save, as far as I can see.” She took a sip of her own coffee and then eyed me closely. “Why do you look like you barely slept?”
“Because I barely slept. What do you want, Taylor? I just got up half an hour ago.”
She smirked like she knew exactly what I’d been up to, which made me wonder suddenly if she had spies on me or Rivers anddidknow where we’d been last night, but then she went right back to business.
“We’re both done with Rivers. He’s no good for your reputation anymore. Your next mission is to break up with him. Very publicly. Make it something big and splashy and make sure there are photographers there getting pictures of it. I want it in all the papers. I want a clean break. We’ll put you and Anna into the band and carry on without him. He’s told me he’s heading back to Nashville so there shouldn’t be any trouble from him on this. We can leave him behind and take you toward your bright, shining future.”
Oh God, I hadn’t had enough caffeine for this yet.
Though I guessed Taylor wouldn’t accept that as a reason for putting off the conversation.
Still, at least I had a plan already in place. I’d received another email this morning, and it had given me exactly the answer I’d been hoping for. And an address.
An address in Jonesboro.
“I have a better idea,” I said, putting my coffee down and gazing calmly at Taylor. “I don’t want to have a big, splashy breakup with him. What if I could do something even better?”
