Page 52 of Noah
Oh my God. It came together so quickly I almost missed it the first time, but once I grabbed it, I thought it might be the best thing I’d ever thought of. Help Molly. Save her from herself, give her what she didn’t even know she wanted. And in the meantime, give the press something else to talk about. The story that might save both Molly and me. Save the band.
Okay, it might not save me and it might not save the band. But it would save Molly.
And for the first time since we were very young, saving Molly was the only thing I could think of. I’d done it when we were kids—running right into a fight where I was going to get my ass kicked, just so she could get away. I’d thrown my body on the flames time after time, wanting to save her. I’d forgotten that somewhere along the way, when I started living for myself instead of her. I’d forgotten that she needed a hero.
I remembered now.
And I was going to be the best hero she could have asked for. Even if she hated me for it when all was said and done.
30
MOLLY
I’d left my rental car at the last stop, already knowing that I wasn’t going to need it anymore, so I didn’t have a right to Kansas City. Sadie had talked me into riding on one of the tour buses rather than getting a ride with one of the other photographers, and I’d given in for one reason.
I didn’t know which photog had taken photos of me and sold them to the rags. I wasn’t exactly keen on any of them, and didn’t want to be stuck in the car with someone who might turn me in for whatever I said.
I’d been on the road with the band for ages, but I’d never felt this way before. When I was a roadie, no one was interested in me. I was just part of the background machinery. Now I was center stage, and I didn’t like it. I felt like raw meat in front of a bunch of hungry wolves.
And I was going right into their den.
Or… Well, not their den, necessarily, but another pack’s den.
Because Kansas City was in Missouri, and that was where this had all started. The orphanage. The hospital where I was, in theory, born. The family that had left me behind. I’d thought it strange when Rivers threw such a fit about touring in Missouri,but that was before, when I’d been able to write it all off because I was pretending I didn’t care. Now, the prospect of an actual father figure—whether I wanted him or not—had changed that. I couldn’t pretend I didn’t care, or didn’t have a history in this state. It was like I’d been wearing sort of disguise before that hid the truth, even from my own eyes, and someone had stripped that mask off me. Now I had to look clearly.
And I didn’t like what I was seeing. I was dreaming about the orphanage more now, those memories flooding back in a way they never had. And I was wondering again what it would have been like to have a family. A mother who packed my lunches for me and drove me to school. Held me at night when I had a nightmare. Laughed when I did something stupid. And a father who came home at night from a long day in the office. Made stupid dad jokes. Watched football on the weekends.
I couldn’t get that song fromAnnieout of my head.
“Betcha they’re young, betcha they’re smart, bet they collects things, like ashtrays and art,” I whispered.
“Huh?” Sadie asked from next to me. She’d been my constant companion since the press went after me, and I loved her for it. At one point she’d literally thrown her body between me and a photographer.
But she couldn’t protect me from the thoughts running through my head.
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “Just remembering a song.”
I glanced away from her, afraid she’d see something in my eyes, and found Noah on the other side of the bus. I’d been avoiding him since I left his room, afraid someone would take more pictures of us and get us in more trouble. And also because I blamed him, at least a little bit, for what had happened.
He’d been the one kissing me. He was the one I’d been trying to save. Again.
And I was the one paying for it. As usual.
Despite that, though, he was the one I wanted to run to. He was the only one who knew about the man who claimed to be my father, and he was my best friend in the world. I wanted his arms around me, his voice telling me what to do. I wished he could tell me it was going to be okay. I didn’t know how to handle any of this without his hand on my arm, and that was killing me.
He met my eyes and looked so pained that I wondered if he was thinking all the same things I was. And for a minute, I wondered if I could get up and go to him. Fall into his lap and ask him how to handle this. And just lean into it. Tell everyone that we were together now and let the cards fall where they may. I could go back on the road with them. Go back to my old job, and have Noah by my side. Try on a new version of my old life.
And get nowhere, I told myself firmly. No, I couldn’t do that. Because he was still the same guy he’d always been, and I couldn’t count on him. It was only a matter of time until he got tired of me and moved on to someone else, and then I’d be stuck on the road watching him do it. I would have thrown away my own career, and for what?
Better to get back to LA and fix things with Janette. I had the pictures she wanted from the shoot with Noah. Maybe I could use them to bribe her. I hadn’t been able to get an immediate flight this morning, but I had one waiting for me in Kansas City tomorrow at noon. I’d get to LA and go straight to the office with my camera. Show Janette what I had and crawl on hands and knees to get her to forgive me. And I’d forget Missouri and the boys I’d once known.
Forget about the dad I didn’t have.
I’d been getting along on my own for years, and I could keep doing it. Honestly, it would be a relief to stop taking care of Noah and his ego. I could put that energy toward more important things. Things that mattered inmylife.
It might have been a lie, but it was a good one. And I was going to keep using it until it stuck.
We went directly from the bus into the restaurant for food, which we hadn’t had on the bus, and Sadie, Anna, and I made for a table of our own.
