Page 42 of Little Bird
And Taryn, God love her, gathers me into her arms, holds me as tightly as her small frame will allow, and whispers, “Well, I’m here now. And I’m not leaving again. I’m all in, Gabe, and that’s a promise. But only if you are, too.”
I feel myself laugh, but there’s no humor to it. Because I can’t do what she’s asking. I can’t be all in with her because it’s not safe. Hell, I don’t even know if it’s real. This might be a dream, or a moment where everything works, but the good times never stick. Maybe I just like having a girl around—one who sees me for who I am rather than who I’m expected to be. Sees through the mask I worked so hard to construct. I want to turn, take her in my arms, and make her mine, but I can’t.
Because I might think she’s my twin flame, my soul mate, but she’s also my ex-stepsister. A rich girl from the city who belongs to a different world. And making her think she’s more than that would end in her getting hurt.
I won’t do it.
I can’t.
For once in my life, I’m going to take care of someone else, regardless of what it does to me.
Though a small, very selfish part of me says that I don’t have to start that right now. I’m warm and comfortable, and for the first time in years I feel as though someone actually cares. And that selfish part wants to hold onto that for a little while longer.
Just the night.
Just a moment in time that everyone else will forget.
So when Taryn grows still and starts breathing deeply, and I know she’s fallen asleep, I don’t get up and carry her to her room. I should. I know I should.
But I don’t want to.
And instead of doing the right thing, I turn my face into her neck, breathe in her baby powder and spice scent, and let myself drift off to sleep in the arms of the only girl I think I’ll ever truly love.
Gunner
I stride quickly down the hallway, still rubbing my eyes and trying to wake up. I’ve been up for an hour, half of it spent staring out the window at the snow, and I still don’t feel awake.
I do, however, know that we need to start doing the things we’ve been putting off. This year has been so dry so far that Gabe and I have been neglecting the things we should have done last month. Getting the barn and all the animals ready for winter. Making sure we have enough firewood and supplies for when we inevitably get snowed in. Measuring the gas tanks and oil supplies of every vehicle.
Because it’s still snowing hard outside, and at this point I’m starting to think Mother Nature is trying to make up for being late to the party.
And isn’t that just my fucking luck. I’m finally on break from the college and free to get some work done in the shop, but the snow is suddenly here and will make it harder to get into town. We aren’t prepared, and with my luck we’re going to get stuck here for days on end with nothing to do but talk to each other. This would be bad enough with just Gabe and me here.
It’s going to be even worse with Taryn present.
I haven’t looked at what happened between us last night, partially because I can’t bear to, but I do know that being trapped in the house with her will be nothing short of torture. She’s already put her mark on everything here, from the kitchen where she bakes half the time to the great room, where she’s decorated everything to her liking. I’ve caught her and Gabe together more times than I like, and as for my own emotions...
Well, I already said I’m not looking at those.
That doesn’t mean they’re silent, though.
I snort at how stupid I’m being, letting a girl like that distract me, and am about to turn out of the hall and onto the landing when Taryn herself stumbles into the hallway. She’s been asleep, I can see that much. Her hair is messy and her face is flushed with slumber, like she just woke up. Her eyes are wide and glassy, and she looks shocked.
She’s wearing the same thing she was last night. Shorts that are too small and a shirt that has a tendency to ride up to right underneath her tits when she reaches for something. I know because I was watching it do just that last night in the kitchen.
That thought flies right out of my brain when I realize that she just came out of the wrong door wearing that outfit, though.
Because that’s not her room. It’s Gabe’s.
And given the state of her hair, she definitely slept in there.
I go from half turned-on at my memories of her to filled with rage in a heartbeat, and that morphs into disgust at the thought of the two of them together. Betrayal at the idea that she ran to him when I wasn’t available. Jealousy at the same idea.
Shame at the jealousy, because it’s not my place. I fucking know better than to let her in, and I know better than to admit my feelings for her, even to myself. She used to be a part of my life but she’s not anymore, and she hasn’t been for some time. She ran to the city and spent four years changing into someone I hardly recognize anymore.
Someone who may or may not be fucking my son.
Disgust rises up in me again and I round on her, letting it take control.
