Page 119 of Exactly What I Needed
“What about him?”
“Are you going to make me ask it?”
The room silenced again.
“Not here, please.” I whispered as quietly as I could.
“Then where? Because it’s been three years, Princess. Will it be another three before you admit that he’s mine?” Asher shot back, anguish swirled around in his bright, amber-speckled irises.
Mrs. Wallace literally choked. “What?” she gasped, unable to stop herself, but Asher wasn’t listening. He couldn’t care less who was around us, who was recording videos on their phones, and who heard what.
“He’s mine, isn’t he? Tell me,” Asher demanded.
“Yes,” I squeaked out, and he closed his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. Then he ripped them back open.
“Were you ever going to tell me?” he snapped, and I made myself as small against the whiteboard as possible.
“Honestly?” I whispered.
“No shit, honestly. You think I’m asking this for you tolie to me?”
“Then I have no idea!” I cried out, throwing my hands in the air. “Up until an hour ago when you showed up, I had no idea! The lawyer said I shouldn’t because it would put Xander in danger due to your fame. Besides, I thought after three years you would’ve moved on to someone better. That you would’ve started your own life, happy as a clam with someone who didn’t look like me!”
“You think that’s what I want? Is someone else?”
“I don’t know! I ran away, so why would you not?”
“Because I know why you did! Because youhadto! And no matter how hard I tried, the mere thought of fucking someone else or even remotely seeing another girl at one of those lame ass parties made me absolutely sick.” He threw his hands in the air and shook his head.
“You had all this time to find someone who isn’t as ruined and messed up as I am. Who could actually love you the way you want,” I finished, the tears resuming. They cascaded down my cheeks as he clenched his jaw.
Asher stared at me, the very oxygen in this room unmoving while he studied me. “What are you saying? That you didn’t tell me because you thought it would, what? Ruin my life?” His voice cracked, that pain back in his eyes.
“No. The lawyer said Xander could be used as a weapon against you. And I just—” I coughed, choking on the tears. “I just wanted to protect Xander. And myself. And you. But mostly, I wanted to give you a chance at a life without someone as screwed up as me.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away. “You could’ve given me a fucking choice at least.”
The room was blurry. His back was all that I saw as I pleaded with him one more time. “I didn’t know until after I’d left.”
He shook his head. “Don’t worry, I get it.”
“Asher,” I began, desperate to tell him that wasn’t it at all.
“Let me know when I can see my kid,” he grumbled and stormed out of the classroom before I had a chance to say anything more. I gripped the edge of my desk, my entire body shaking as I stared after him.
My heart ripped in two. I knew he was angry, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of me, directed at me, or because of something that happened to me. Or all of that. And I wasn’t sure if he was overreacting because of that shock and anger or not. I knew he was surprised by the bomb that he had a kid, but this seemed more than just that. It seemed like he was circling the drain of grief, as if he were mourning loss, but not of someone, of time.
“I can hear it again,” I whispered, crying out for him.
But he was already gone as the strings played in my mind, the horns joining with a melancholy tune, full of anguish and pain.
The heartache shifted to rage as I glared after him.
He should’ve stayed gone. The not knowing, the silence, the overwhelming monotony was better than this. Better than this strange feeling of déjà vu that crept over me.
Like once before, as I’d shut him out and ran away, down an elevator. But there was something else lingering behind his unusual and out-of-character explosion. Like an itch I couldn’t quite scratch. Especially with that apology before diving into the anger-fueled argument that left me very confused.
And I hoped, beyond hope, that he was only befuddled and overwhelmed. That at some point, he would see that he was once again exactly what I needed to start that music again.
