Page 57 of Exactly What I Needed
“Well, lucky for you, it doesn’t matter anymore.” My heart shredded to pieces again.
Her brows twitched. “What do you mean?” she quietly asked, sitting herself down on the dark gray tile. Light streamed in from the massive arching window to my right, casting a shadow over one side of our faces.
I shook my head and looked away, staring at the beautiful mirror behind her.
“Did Asher actually hurt you?” She reached forward, grabbing my knee. I shrugged her hand off.
“Just let it go, Tera. After next weekend’s concerts, they’ll be permanently gone, and everything in life can go back to the way it was. To the way it should be.”
“Go back to the way it was? Cosi, that looks like a deep bite. Deep enough it’s really bruised. So, tell me what he did, because if he hurt you, he—” She tried to shove my legs open.
“He didn’t do anything I didn’t want!” I snapped, cutting her off. After I pushed her hand away, she furrowed her brows.
“You asked for him to do this?”
“Yes.”
“You did sleep with him again. Even after—”
“Yes, Tera. I did. More than once, okay? Because I really, really like him and like having sex with him. But it’s really none of your business.”
“It’s entirely my business when I’m trying to make sure that you don’t blow up your life.”
“It’s already blown up!” I shouted. “Have you not figured that out yet?! Has no one realized that my entire life is on a crash course into oblivion?!” Standing up, I walked around her and braced against the bowless sink as a wave of nausea hit me.
“What are you talking about?” she whispered, her face appearing in the mirror behind me.
“It doesn’t matter, okay? Like I said, after next weekend’s concerts, everything will go back to the way it was before. I can go back to pretending like Danny isn’t manipulating my parents, that I never met Asher, that I don’t have deadlines coming up I’ve been ignoring, and that nothing happened.” I closed my eyes, and a tear slid down my cheek. Overwhelmed and exhausted.
“Cosi,” she began, but I took a deep breath and pushed off the sink.
“I’m feeling a little sick, so I’m going to turn in early. Goodnight, Tera,” I stated and pushed past her back out of the bathroom. Tomorrow I could face the music. Tomorrow I could deal with Danny getting in my face again, with finding a way to continue to skirt around the inevitable questions that would come from my friends concerning the bite and bruise I hadn’t entirely addressed. Everything can be handled tomorrow.
Right now, I wanted to disappear. And maybe stay gone. Who would really notice besides my friends? And even then, how long would they really be upset if I wasn’t there?
The yard was already crowded, people I probably didn’t know here to celebrate my birthday on behalf of Sydney. I sat on the edge of my bed in the guest room I’d spent years sleeping in before. My parents, Sydney, and my small group of friends had all texted asking when I was coming downstairs but said nothing about the incident at the pool.
I didn’t have the energy to answer, so instead, I mindlessly sat on the mattress. I hadn’t even changed from my pajamas, trying my best to avoid going down there.
But throwing a pity party for myself was not going to solve anything that was going on. Especially since Danny was downstairs, crashing my birthday. Who cared if Asher wasn’t coming anymore. I wasn’t going to show up looking like a disheveled mess when I could use this time to stick it to both him and Danny.
Digging through my suitcase, I pulled out my maroon, long-sleeved dress and slipped it on. It was shorter than I was used to, and tighter, with more of a sexy but classy look to it. Which is exactly what I wanted. Once I’d swept some mascara on my lashes, replaced my glasses with contacts, I tugged on some heels and quickly brushed out my hair. Time to go rock my own party.
Time to push aside the heartbreak and pretend like I was happy. At least for a couple hours, long enough to shove it in Danny’s face. Pretending like everything was okay was something that I could manage. Keeping secrets was something I hated to admit that I was good at. Faking things for fifteen years had been surprisingly easy with Sydney. And now that Asher was gone, was there really a need to tell her what had happened anyway?
Plus, this pain and longing would eventually fade.
I had no one to blame but myself. And honestly, I knew that if I had one more chance with Asher, I would throw all caution to the wind. If he wanted me to agree to a secret relationship, then I would. If he wanted me to simply admit that I had feelings for him, that he was worth more than just sex, then I would without any caveat.
And yes, I knew that meant that things between Sydney and I would change, but the agony that I was feeling right now was more excruciating than the guilt that I’d felt before.
Which made me a horrible friend, I knew that. But being with him felt so freeing. Something I hadn’t had in fifteen years.
So, it was time to fake things again. Put that mask back on and pretend like nothing was wrong. Because I truly didn’t believe that Asher would return to my life. So regardless of my resolve, if I continued to wallow, Sydney would start to ask questions, and I knew she wouldn’t like my answer. An answer that I no longer felt the need to share with her.
Chapter 20
My mom kept her arm around my waist while I made polite small talk with another one of the guests that I didn’t know. I’d already seen all my girls and Elysia. Sydney was half drunk by this point. The cake had been cut and served, and the moon was sparkling high above. Although it wasn’t exactly what Sydney had hoped for, I was satisfied.
