Page 40 of Love's Instant Replay
Kyelle must have missed me during our brief separation as much as I missed her, because she quickly agreed to come back to my house tonight. Jaleel practically ran out of the house upon seeing Kyelle arriving, so it’s just Mica, Kyelle, and me. Kyelle came in with bags telling me that she was making dinner for us. With Mica’s assistance, Kyelle made sloppy joes, fries, and broccoli because she insisted that Mica needed something green, no matter what the meal was. Mica didn’t protest and happily ate the broccoli, making me wonder if Kyelle had magical powers because Mica isn’t a fan of vegetables.
“I think she misses her mom but is scared to say anything because I didn’t handle Meshay’s walkout properly, initially. I was hurt that Meshay was too selfish to see that her daughter needed her to buffer my reaction to Mica’s tears. Now, I think my baby bottles up her feelings for my sake, and I don’t know how to change that narrative.” My chest tightens as I stare at Mica as she dances to whatever song is coming from the movie.
I can admit to mishandling the situation when Meshay left, and with no other female influence, I don’t know how to fix it. It saddens me to consider Mica keeping her mother’s absence to herself because I fucked up while attempting to soothe her pain.
“I think you should ask her about it one day. It can be casual, but see what she’s thinking and feeling. She’s young, but I’m sure she thinks about it since she sees mothers with their children in school. Most of the time, fathers are the absentee parent, but for Mica, it’s the reverse. Just as painful as it is for fatherless children to deal with, it’s equally impactful when a mother is missing.”
For countless minutes, I can only stare at Mica and ponder Kyelle’s words because I’ve been trying to ensure that Mica has everything she needs. But I haven’t taken a minute to consider that not having her mother around is also necessary. I also didn’t think about Mica’s feelings about seeing other mothersinteract or show up for her classmates. This is the part of single fatherhood that no one mentions, and now I feel like shit.
“Hey. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. You’re doing an amazing job with her. I just was thinking about this and thought I would share,” Kyelle whispers, pulling my eyes from Mica to her somber eyes.
“Nah. I appreciate the insight, and I’m gonna have the hard conversation with her,” I say, nodding toward Mica who looks up at Kyelle and me.
“Come color with me,” Mica says, looking at Kyelle.
“Is that how you ask?” My eyes pinch as I give her a stern glare that she instantly responds to.
“Oops. Can you come color with me, Ms. Kyelle?”
“Of course I can, but can your dad join us?”
“Will you, Daddy?”
“Sure, Cupcake.”
Kyelle and I ease off the couch onto the floor, occupying Mica's left and right sides. Mica rips two pages of her coloring book, handing Kyelle and me one before speaking again.
“Here y’all go. Make sure you stay in the lines.”
“Okay, let’s play a game. Whoever colors the best picture will win a prize,” Kyelle says, and Mica squeals while nodding excitedly.
“Yes. I’m gonna totally beat you and Daddy.”
“More coloring, less talking, Cupcake,” I add.
“Alright. On your mark, get set, go,” Kyelle says, and the three of us focus on our color pages as the competition begins.
Another song from the movie starts playing, and Kyelle and Mica sing simultaneously as my chest expands when they smile at each other. For a minute, I can only focus on my woman and daughter bonding over something so simple. Mica has easily taken to Kyelle’s presence in our lives and hasn’t once complained about her. I can see the three of us trying tofigure out ways to hang out together, allowing Mica to feel like a normal child. The elation on her face whenever she sees or interacts with Kyelle makes our brief discussion not long ago very relevant.
I’m happy I chose a woman like Kyelle to introduce to Mica and have around her. This moment between the three of us excites me about our future because if Mica is content with Kyelle, I know the love growing in my heart is valid.
“I love when you come over, Ms. Kyelle,” Mica confirms, causing me to smile upon seeing the mist forming in Kyelle’s eyes.
“I’m glad you don’t mind me invading your space and time with your dad.”
“I don’t mind at all. I love when it’s us against Daddy, even though he tries to cheat.” Mica giggles.
“Hey. I don’t cheat. It’s not my fault that y’all can’t beat me at anything.”
“Whatever. You're a cheater, Daddy,” Mica adds.
“You’re a hater, Cupcake, and I don’t like that.”
Giggles sound from Mica as Kyelle laughs, and my world tilts on its axis from seeing her entire countenance brighten with the action.
“Don’t worry, Mica. The next time we’re all together, we’ll play another game of flag football so we can continue our victory streak. Your dad is a cheater, and us girls can’t have that,” Kyelle says.
“No, we can’t, Ms. Kyelle. We’re totally gonna beat him again next time.”
