Page 46 of Sliding into Love
I heart react to his message and then send back a simple thanks. I don't know what else to say, and I'm kind of worried any more talking between us will make me spill everything. It's far too easy to talk to Kenneth Meyer when I don't see him, and it's becoming even easier to fall into this routine of ours. Part of me wonders: If it's this easy, why am I fighting it so much?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
KENNETH
"Dude,why do you look like someone just shit in your Wheaties?"
I scowl at my friend. "I'm pretty sure the phrase is pissed in your Wheaties, Gillies."
"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." He snorts, taking a huge bite out of a protein bar. It's his second in five minutes. I really wish I knew where he was hiding it all, because he eats enough for four of me. I eat a lot too, because I'm a big guy, but Gillies is next level.
He speaks before he's done eating, and I wince at the view I get of the inside of his mouth. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You look upset, like someone has let you down or made you sad. There's no reason for all of that. Things are going great. The season's right around the corner. We've got that game coming up where we're going to wow all the people and really boost season ticket sales, you know?"
I stare at him, wondering if he knows more than I do. Even with the game coming up, I don't feel confident that we're going to see an increase in numbers like he's suggesting. When he doesn't say anything else, I drop my head to the table.
We're in my office alone because Royce is at a meeting at the Bellport Foundation today. They told me they wouldn't be in until next week, and when I shared that news with Gillies, he decided to come pester me. Some of it is because he gets out of practice that way. The rest is because he knows that I'll overwork myself without someone here to keep an eye on me.
And by overwork, I mean overthink everything.
"You're not telling me something, Kenny. What is it?" he asks when he finishes chewing.
I grumble and then push myself up to look at him. "I don't know what else I can possibly do to make Royce see me," I admit, defeat in my tone.
"What do you mean? They see you."
I shake my head. "No, they don't. They see me, Kenneth, from twenty years ago. They see the person who didn't stick up for them and let them down. I'm a jerk in their eyes. A means to an end. That's not what I want to be."
Gillies hums, standing up from his chair. He begins to pace across the room. "I see. So we have a bit of unrequited connection and stuck-in-the-past energy."
He speaks as if he's trying to solve a mystery for Scooby-Doo. It would be amusing if it weren't my love life that the focus was on.
"Don't try to turn this into one of your comedy sketches. I'm serious. I feel as if everything I do just gets ignored. You know I sent them food at Christmas?"
Gillies stops, hands moving to the back of the chair. "No shit. On Christmas? How did you swing that?"
I lean back in my chair, a smile coming over my face as I remember Claudia and the entire situation. We've kept in touch, texting, and I've even been invited to watch the elopement via video call.
"It was a matter of circumstance, but that's beside the point. I sent them food, and they texted, but then it was as if they pulled back suddenly. Like they remembered who I am and didn't want to be a part of anything involving me. Do you know how hard that is? To get my hopes up and to feel like I'm finally making some type of headway, and a brick wall slams down in front of me?"
Gillies winces and goes back to his pacing. "I mean, if things were as bad as you're saying back then, it's understandable that they might be a bit hesitant. At the same time, you are a different person, are you not?"
"Well yeah, of course I am," I say.
"Then prove that. Keep showing up. Keep being present. Don't let notions that are outdated dictate the present situation."
"You make it sound like it's simple when it's not. I am doing all these things."
Gillies drops into the chair across from me. "Yeah, but have you told them that you like them? You know, like them-like them, not just friendly?"
I groan. "I mean, we've almost kissed, and there's these touches and looks. It's got to be obvious."
Gillies rolls his eyes. "Obvious. Kenny, nothing is obvious. You have to be crystal clear. If you don't tell them that you're interested, how will they ever know? They could think that this is all some big game or like a drawn-out taunt for all they understand."
"But I wouldn't do that!"
"I know," he replies, "but they don't know that. If they're trying to learn about the new you, it takes time. The only other way that you could—" He pauses and then his eyes light up. "The only way that you could get them to see you as more is by being outlandish. You have to get their attention."
"Okay," I say. "What are you suggesting I do?"
