Page 132 of Blood & Snow
"I meant what I said earlier," she grumbles.
Her voice is softer than it was just over an hour ago when I left, but it's no less resolute.
She doesn’t want me here.
I pose a threat to her idea of a happy family, and I understand that stance completely.
I’m dangerous to her now.
I hang my coat on the hook beside the door, avoiding her gaze.
"I know," I say quietly, and I do know.
My choices and the random occurrences that have led me to where I am now have made me a risk for them all.
I’d never live with myself if something happened to them because of me.
"The children need stability. They need to know the adults in their lives are making safe choices."
The phrase would be amusing if it weren't so tragic.
Nothing about my life has been safe since the moment I answered Xander's advertisement.
Everything I touch becomes contaminated with violence and secrets.
I thought it would end with cleaning, but it's evolved into so much more.
And if I don't stop this, I may be the next person pulling a trigger.
"I'm going to quit," I tell her as I walk toward the table anxiously.
I think I made my choice seconds before Xander pulled me onto his lap to fuck me, but even that didn't change my mind.
If he wants to kill me he'll do it whether I'm working for him or not.
I just have to find the right time to tell him.
Irina looks up sharply.
"What?"
"The job. The hotel work. All of it."
I move to the refrigerator and pull out the jug of nearly expired milk, then get a glass from the cupboard.
"You're right. It's too much, and I can't keep at it anymore. I'm tired…"
I pour the milk and put the jug away, then turn with the glass in my hand and look at her.
The relief that crosses her face is immediate and profound.
Her shoulders drop, tension bleeding away as she processes my admission.
"When?"
"Soon. I need to give notice, wrap up some final assignments."
I don't know what "final assignments" Xander may have for me, but he made it clear his job is not finished.
