Page 159 of Blood & Snow

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"She's here," the older man says, pointing at me.

The doctor approaches slowly.

He sets his bag on the floor and opens it, pulling out gloves and a small plastic box.

He looks at me, then at the men standing guard.

"I need her to urinate on this," he says, holding up a test strip.

The blond one laughs.

"You hear that? Piss on the stick, girl."

The doctor hands me the test and a small plastic cup.

I take it with shaking hands. My face burns with humiliation.

"There's a bathroom down the hall," the older man says.

"She can use it."

They drag me to my feet.

My legs barely hold me.

The blond one grabs my arm and pulls me toward the door.

The older man follows, his gun drawn.

The bathroom's small and filthy.

The sink is stained.

The toilet's cracked.

The mirror is shattered.

I lock the door behind me and lean against it, my chest heaving.

I never in my life thought this is how I would find out if my suspicions were true.

I can't do this.

I can't just pee on a stick and find out if they'll put a bullet in my head.

But I have no choice.

I pull down my pants and sit on the toilet.

My hands shake so badly, I almost drop the cup.

I hold it beneath me and wait.

It takes a long time.

My body doesn’t want to cooperate.

But finally, finally, I manage.

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