Page 125 of Catch

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I fucked up.

I fucked up and look what happened.

I should’ve been there to protect him. And what do I do now? I’m so pissed at Renner that I want to scream or throw something. I’m also pissed at myself. My chest hurts, I feel nauseous, and my mind is spinning in ten different directions.

If anything happened to Jett, I… no, I can’t even go there.

I love him. I love him so goddamn much.

How did I let this happen? What do I do now?

There’s a bottle of vodka on the counter, and I reach for it but I don’t open it. It’s not like me to be indecisive. A coupleof shots of alcohol is exactly what I need for my nerves. Never mind a couple, I want to drink until I can’t think anymore. Or feel.

But what if Jett needs you?

“Come on, bud, let’s get out of here for a bit.”

I shove the bottle aside and turn to face Dane.

“What are you talking about? I can’t leave Jett. Not now.”

“He needs to decompress, Ethan. And so do you. He’s with our friends, he’s safe. You need to walk and talk.”

“No,” I snap. “There’s nothing to talk about. Leave me alone.”

“You know I’m right.”

“Fuck off!” I roar and slam my hand on the counter.

Dane doesn’t shout back. He stalks up to me and grips my shoulder.

“That’s why you need to come with me,” he says calmly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”

I need to do something. But I can’t let myself lose control. Jett’s frightened enough as it is, and he doesn’t need me making things worse.

“I’m your captain and this is my order.”

“Fuck off,” I mutter under my breath. “We’re not on the ice.”

“Now, Ethan.”

“No.”

“Ethan, you need to get out of the house for a bit. For his sake and yours. Before you say something you’ll regret.”

“Like what? Like I let Jett down by not being there when he needed me? Like I’m not cut out to be his boyfriend?” I hiss. “Like Jett’s better off without me?”

Dane shakes his head.

“You know none of that’s true.”

I don’t know what to think at this point.

“Things were quiet for weeks with that asshole, and todayhe was going to be suspended. I thought we were in the clear.”

“You weren’t to know.”

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