Page 98 of Catch
“Everyone on the team’s noticed the change in you,” he adds. “It’s not a bad thing, just different.”
I shrug and stare at my skates.
“We’re friends,” I admit even though the word doesn’t sum up how I’m feeling about Jett. “Friends who fool around. And we’re working together this week, so we’re always in each other’s pockets, but that’s temporary. Everything’s as it always is. I’m having a good time.”
“I don’t look at my friends that way,” Silas admits.
My head snaps up.
“Didn’t you have fuck friends before Damien?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t spend all my time with them. The total opposite. It was simply an itch to scratch. I didn’t hang out with them because I didn’t want to give the impression it meant more. But with you and Jett, well, you’re always together and you’re always up in his space. You never stop staring at him, and if anyone so much as tries to flirt with him, you look like you’re going to lose your cool.”
“Renner treated him like shit. Is it wrong for me to be protective?”
“Not at all. I’m saying that it’s obvious there’s more going on with you and Jett than fucking.”
Oh God, I am not ready for this conversation.
“We agreed to keep it casual. Nothing else. Sooner or later, it’ll burn itself out.”
I’m clinging to that line. I don’t have a choice. It’s all I’ve known.
“I don’t know how to handle a boyfriend or any kind of relationship,” I add. “Come on, Si? Me? I’m not cut out for that.”
“Don’t sell yourself short.”
“I’m not. I’m a realist. It always ends in arguments and people hating each other. I’m not into that kind of drama. I like life easy, no stress.”
“If you wanted easy, you wouldn’t play hockey.”
“You know what I’m saying.”
“I don’t get it. I mean, you told me about your parents, so I understand a bit. But not every relationship is horrible. Look at me and Damien. Dane and Jackson. Jace and Axel. Kayden and Maddox?—”
I hold my hand up.
“I get it. And if I really wanted that, I’d go for it. But I don’t.”
Liar. You are such a fucking liar.
“I’m good with the way things are. And this way, no one gets hurts. When Jett and I are… done, we go back to being friends.”
“You’re already more than that. I think you want it, but you’re scared.”
“And I think this conversation is over,” I snap.
“Don’t miss out on something that could be amazing. I almost did that with Damien. I know it’s scary, and it’s a risk, but sometimes you have to go for it. If you get hurt, you get hurt. Better that than playing it safe.”
“Speaking of which, are we gonna play hockey today or sit around and talk about our feelings?” I snark, standing up and reaching for my stick.
“Fight as hard as you want, but you have to face it at some point.”
“Face what? I’m a fuckboy, remember? I don’t catch feelings.”
Silas shakes his head and stands up.
“Behind your silly antics and frat boy humor, you’re like the rest of us. It’s okay to want more than a hookup. It doesn’t have to mean everything, but it could mean something.”
