Page 46 of Scoring Slater
Celek waved away his offer and pointed to the grocery bag he'd carried in. "Already on it, bud. We brought snacks for tonight. Just relax."
Within minutes, he had a mug of tea and a kitchen getting visibly cleaner by the second. His gaze bounced to each of the men finishing tasks. "Thanks, guys. Do you want to talk about the book?"
Joseph stopped sorting mail and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "We're not here to talk about the book. We're here to talk to you."
"I don't know what to say. Since Slater is living with Leo, I guess you know things aren't working out with us."
Leo paused in the middle of wiping down the countertop with a sponge. "He's not any happier, Noah."
"Then why doesn't he come home?"
The question earned him a measured glance. "Would coming back here solve things?"
"I don't know." Dropping his head, he let the steam from the mug warm his face. And then he looked at Vince. "You were the first out player in the league. You had a ton of scrutiny and press. How did you deal with it and stay sane?"
Vince finished loading the recycling bin. "It wasn't easy. I made some mistakes, and I learned to worry about only what I could control. Eventually the attention faded. Every so often, it picks up again, like when Vince and I got engaged, and now it's fading again. The attention ebbs and flows, Noah. Just like everything else in life."
"The attention always seems constant with Slater though. I've never seen any ebbing happening."
"And the attention's too much for you." Celek had his head in the fridge. He pulled out a bowl of mushy grapes, and grimaced before dumping them in the trash can. "I get it. He loves connecting with the fans, with people in general and they all seem to love him back."
"I just don't think the whole world needs to experience my life along with me. I'm not like Slater. I don't want to share every meal and moment. I don't want to live in a fish bowl. The idea of people filming me unaware makes my skin crawl. And I for sure don't love the level of dissection that some fans pour into every picture he posts."
Leo took the empty bowl from Celek, rinsed it and put it in the dishwasher. "Do you think things would be different if you hadn't been outed at the draft?"
Discomfort itched along his skin. He pushed himself from his seat. His voice was tight and body rigid. "I don't know. Maybe. But I still probably wouldn’t like the level of sharing that Slater does."
"What happened to you was wrong." Vince, with a soft tone and a pat on the shoulder, nudged him back to sitting. "It left you feeling vulnerable and unsafe. Even now, look at your body stance. You immediately drew in on yourself when Leo brought it up."
Noah glanced down at his crossed arms. "I guess it's more deeply ingrained than I realized."
"But you're not the same scared, alone kid you were back then. You're a talented athlete and a great teammate. You've earned the respect of so many people in this league. And, you have a group of friends right here who will always have your back."
The words cheered him, but clouds of doubt gathered. "I wasn't sure about that last part. You've known Slater a lot longer than you've known me."
"So?" Leo countered. He twisted the top off of a water bottle and took a seat at the island. "You're both important to us. If things don't work out then it might be awkward as hell for a while, like it has been for the last few weeks, but we'd figure it out."
Gratitude for the support and friendship surrounding him was overwhelming. Noah made eye contact with each one of his teammates and friends. "When I was traded here, I was so happy to be playing on the same team as my friend. I never thought I'd end up with a whole group of them. I'm glad I won't lose you, even if Slater and I don't… you know."
Celek began unloading the bag he'd brought. In addition to the covered dishes, he pulled out a box of Noah's favorite tea. "I've been in this league for over ten years and I still get comments over the color of my skin. Bottom line, Noah, is you can't control things people will say about you. You can only control your reaction. And for you specifically, you can't move forward if you keep looking behind you. Your past doesn't have to define your future."
Leo raised his bottle of water in a toast to Celek. "Sage advice from the captain, as always."
Noah nodded. For the next several minutes, he mulled over Celek's words while the guys chatted about Joseph's work and Celek's relationship with Victoria, and the upcoming visit of Leo's family from Philly. They ate and he pushed food around his plate.
Joseph stood and grabbed another bottle of water from the fridge. He laid his hand on Noah's shoulder as he sat back down. "Noah, you're too quiet. You're also not eating."
He pushed his plate away. "Guys, I don't want to lose him."
Leo set his fork down and leaned forward. "Then you need to decide what a life with each other should look like and what you're willing to do to make that happen. You don't get an unlimited number of chances with people. If you're going to commit to each other, then you need to be all in."
"You're right."
After the guys left, Noah wandered into Slater's old room and sprawled across the bed. His heart ached like it was torn in two. What could a compromise look like? What would be enough to let him still feel safe, but let Slater see that he was making an effort?
An hour after wracking his brains, inspiration struck and he went in search of his phone.
In the bright, artificial light of the kitchen, with a mug of tea as fortification, he changed his account setting from private to public. Then uploaded the first picture since he'd wiped his account clean years earlier: a picture of him and Slater side by side, laughing, falling into each other. Vince had taken it at a team dinner on the road back in December.
